To be alone with you...

I haven't posted in awhile and I don't have much to say right now...

I want to share this video though, something a friend shared with me that was something I needed.



If you'd like to read along...

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.

There's also the gym. If you're shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke).

And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.

And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that communitie's not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

New Toy...

I have a new toy, and when I get something I love, I enjoy sharing my fondness with others!
So, got to my art blog or click here to see a quick little video of my new toy! It's awesome!

The slow, shaking head...

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:13-14 (ESV)

I don't think I'm the only one who feels this, but sometimes I feel like I'm a disappointment to God. Actually, I feel that way a lot. Between the way I treat others and how I treat myself... Well, it's safe to say that it's not always the way He would like me to be acting. Some days I don't live the way Jesus wants me to, let alone how I think I should.

"The devil loves the line of logic. If he can convince us that God's grace has limited funds, we'll draw the logical conclusion. The account is empty." -Max Lucado

Sometimes, I think that when I finally get to meet God, He is going to raise an eyebrow because I didn't follow the path He had laid out for me. I'm worried that He's going to shake His head slowly as I hang my head in shame. I mean, I've screwed up plenty. What if God is just watching me, head in His hands, as I make mistake after mistake?

What if who I am is a disappointment to Him?

This is when I turn to the bible, God's word. It is evident that others have screwed up too--Peter (Mark 14:66-72), David (2 Samuel 11), the Samaritan woman (John 4:1-23)... And guess what? God and Jesus restores them all, forgave all their sins. All three of them received grace, and so do we. We are forgiven and blessed with grace.

Do I want to mess up? Do I aim to do wrong? Not usually. But, sadly, I do sometimes make mistakes. Looking at Peter, David and the Samaritan woman, I have good company. Peter denied God three times (Mark 14:66-72). David took another mans wife (2 Samuel 11) and the Samaritan woman had more than one husband (John 4:1-23). And it's not about whether their sins are greater than mine or vice versa (cause all sins are equal in Gods eyes). I don't have to fear disappointing Him--He already knows I will screw up. He knew Peter would deny Him, He knew the Samaritan woman had more than 1 husband. He knows that I am going to screw up. He has provided me a way to heaven, through Christ His Son.


- + - + - + -

This is my first post in awhile. As busy as university life has been, it's also got my mind working again, and has inspired lots of thoughts/thinking. I make no promises about how long I'll be around on the interwebs, but for now, I think it's safe to say welcome back to Thoughts from SarahPee.

:]

Resurrection

An inspiring piece by Rob Bell. (click the link to watch the movie)

Jesus is standing in front of the temple in Jerusalem, the massive gleaming brick and stone and gold house of God and he says, "Destroy this temple and I’ll rebuild it in three days." The people listening to him said "how are you going to do that? It took 46 years to build this temple!" But he wasn’t talking about that temple, he’s talking about himself. He essentially says, "listen, I’m going to be killed." That’s where this is headed, because you don’t confront corrupt systems of power without paying for it, sometimes with your own blood. And so he’s headed to his execution.

If you had witnessed this divine life extinguished on a cross, how would you not be overwhelmed with despair? Is the world ultimately a cold, hard, dead place? Does death have the last word? Is it truly, honestly, actually dark, and so whatever light we do see, whatever good we do stumble upon, are those just blips on the radar? Momentary interruptions in an otherwise meaningless existence? Because if that’s the case, then despair is the only reasonable response.

It's easy to be cynical, but Jesus says destroy this temple and I’ll rebuild it. He insists that his execution would not be the end. He’s talking about something new and unexpected happening after his death. He’s talking about resurrection.

Resurrection announces that God has not given up on the world, because this world matters. This world that we call home--dirt and blood and sweat and skin and light and water. This world that God is redeeming and restoring and renewing. Greed and violence and abuse...they are not right and they cannot last. They belong to death and death does not belong.

Resurrection says that what we do with our lives matters. In this body, the one that we inhabit right now, every act of compassion matters. Every work of art that celebrates the good and the true matters, every fair and honest act of business and trade, every kind word. They all belong and they will all go on in God’s good world. Nothing will be forgotten, nothing will be wasted. It all has it’s place

Everybody believes something, everybody believes somebody. Jesus invites us to trust resurrection, that every glimmer of good, every hint of hope, every impulse that elevates the soul is a sign, a taste, a glimpse of how things actually are and how things will ultimately be. Resurrection affirms this life and the next as a seamless reality, embraced, graced, and saved by God.

There is an unexpected mysterious presence who meets each of us in our lowest moments, when we have no strength and when we have nothing left. When we can’t go on we hear the voice that speaks those words, "Destroy this temple and I’ll rebuild it."

Do you believe this? That’s the question Jesus asked then, and that’s the question he asks now.

Jesus’ friends arrive at his tomb and they’re told "he isn’t here". You didn’t see that coming, did you? "He’s isn’t here, there is nothing to fear, and nothing can ever be the same again." We are living in a world in the midst of rescue, with endless unexpected possibilities.

"They will take my life and I will die," Jesus says, "but that will not be the end." And when you find yourself assuming that it’s over, when it’s lost, gone, broken and it could never be put back together again, when it’s been destroyed and you swear that it could never be rebuilt, hold on a minute. Because in that moment, things will in fact have just begun.

* * *

I watched this clip this evening, and God knows how much I needed it. I listened a few times, and realized how much more I would get out of it by reading it, so I decided to type it out as I listened. Then, after typing for about half an hour, I tried searching for the transcript, and realized that I could've saved time and just posted that. But I got so much out of this transcript, it was definitely worth it.

Psalm 62

Only God can save me,

Lord, you are in control, help my in my need

and I calmly wait for Him

Father, help me be patient as I place my trust in you

God alone is the mighty rock the keeps me safe, and the fortress when I'm secure

I am weak, remind me of your unfaltering strength. Even when I feel steady, your ever present might aids me

I feel like a shaky fence or a sagging wall

Build me up in faith, so that I may stand tall again. Thank you for the supports present in my life when I do waiver.

How long will all of you attack me?

Be with me in my struggle.

You want to bring me down from my place of honor

Help me remain stable and always humble, Lord.

You love to tell lies, and when your words are kind, hatred hides in your heart

Remind me of the truth, and do not let lies confuse or control me.

Only God gives me inward peace, and I depend on him.

Nothing I can do with my hands will bring me peace. Help me remember this, and help me keep you at the center of my search for rest.

God alone is the mighty rock that keeps me safe,

Guide me to turn to you first, Lord

and He is the fortress when I feel secure.

Thank you for the moments of peace and clarity, when Your Love is revealed to me.

God saves and honors me.

You redeem me. In all the ways I stumble and fall, You still help me pick up the pieces

He is that mighty rock where I find safety.

Lead me to the shelter of your arms when I need rest.

Trust God, my friends,

and always tell him each of your concerns.

God is our place of safety.

We humans are only a breath;

We do not live for the prizes of the world

none of us are truly great.

Remind me of our weaknesses, and of Your greatness

All of us together weigh less than a puff of air;

and yet I spend my days worrying

Don't trust in violence or depend on dishonesty or rely on great wealth.

You are the only thing we can rely on.

I heard God say two things:

"I am powerful, and I am very kind."

Remind my of these things this week, let your power and grace awe me.

The Lord rewards each of us according to what we do,

Thank you, Lord, for the blessings you have given me.

Lord, in your mercy, here our prayers.

(Psalm 62, CEV)

* * *

I frequently pray through the psalms, much like this prayer that I have just shared. I often struggle with what to say, how to say it, and my biggest distraction is, well, distraction. The Psalms are a tool that God has provided for us to continue to be centered on Him.

I don't believe you can pray the 'wrong thing'. My most common prayer that I say hundreds of times of day is a simple whisper of His name. Lord. He knows what I need, he knows where my thoughts are. I also tend to use songs as a prayer. My favorite line is Lord in your mercy, hear our prayers. I have formed the habit of ending almost every prayer with this line.

Another lesson I've learned while praying through the psalms is sometimes you DON'T have to say anything. Repeating things someone else said is totally fine, cause God knows exactly what you mean.

Do what you can do, try new things to find what works. The most important thing is to just pray, no matter what form it takes.