Words words words...

Over the past week or so, I've been doing a fair amount of thinking... More than usual. Which is saying something, because personally, I think I think a lot.

I was thinking about stuff I already knew. Things I thought I knew, and understood. After looking back on that thinking, I'm not sure I really did understand things...

I've been a Christian for a long time, relative to the time I've been around. As long as I can remember, I've known there's a God. For the majority of the time, I've known that God loves me. I've been told that Jesus was raised from the dead and He took the punishment for our sins--Everyone's sins. And I've talked, I've been told, I've sung, and I've prayed about hope. A kind of 'Christian hope'.

But, I've often struggled with hope. Struggled to have it, or understanding why I have it... Thinking my hope is foolish, or wanting not to have hope. Being a Christian, though... Hope is kinda a big thing (deja vu... pretty sure I've said that before). So, like I said, over the past few days I've been thinking, and here are some of my 17 year-old thoughts on 'Christian hope'.

Hope is found in the risen Christ. Suffering is not removed by his resurrection, but transformed by it. His resurrection kills even the power of death, and promises that God will wipe away every tear in the end. But we still have tears (and are allowed to have them) in the present. We still die. In God's future, though, death will die.

The hope of the Resurrection is not optimism, isn't saying 'everything on earth is ok', but it keeps the Christian facing ever toward the future, not dwelling in the present, like we so often get stuck doing. It does not take away pain, or make pain any less, or say 'get over it' but just that... one day it will be beaten.

And I truly believe that.

A rather long post that you may or may not agree with...

So.

A slightly long while ago I went for a simply marvelous walk with Matty and Caitlin. Good times on Dallas Road. After our little stroll, we had a slight bit of lunch, and upon leaving, started a conversation that really got me thinking...
I won't share those first thoughts right away, as they may be slightly hard to articulate (and also, not entirely constructive/beneficial towards the desired theme of the first half of this post), but I will share the thoughts which came from the thoughts that those thoughts lead to. At least, what I remember of those thoughts, because, as I have stated, that day has long passed and my memory isn't as strong as it once was...

These thoughts centered around forgiveness. By no means do I claim to be an expert in this area. I would say that I have a lot of experience with (attempted) forgiveness, but I don't exactly have a perfect track record in forgiving others. I like to try, but can't say that I always do the 'Christian thing'.

I tend to struggle with the idea of forgiving others. Especially "bad" people. Like, hurtful people. It's hard to find the strength to forgive. When I'm angry at someone, I want to stay angry at them. So, here's the first point I'd like to make... I've realized recently that forgiveness is not forgetting or excusing. As the brilliant CS Lewis said, "If one was really not to blame, then there is nothing to forgive. In that sense forgiveness and excusing are almost opposite."

This is really huge for me. I have often wanted to prove my forgiveness towards someone by justifying their actions. This cannot be done for forgiveness to take place. Because, if their actions are truly justifiable, why forgive?

Okay, so, that's some thoughts on forgiveness. A touchy subject for many. Now, what about loving people? Loving others? It's a pretty well-known thing that God is big on love. I was talking with the Middle-schoolers at my church a few weeks ago on who Jesus loves. The answer: Everyone. They told me that during His time here on earth, he loved all people, including lepers and prostitutes and tax collectors. So, first of all, God loves all of us… But sometimes for me it's hard to believe that, and even harder to accept it. How can He love people who are hurting the people He loves? If someone is picking on my sister, I surely am not fond of them... And yet, it is within my best interest to believe that His love encompasses all, because if He doesn't love everyone, where would He draw the line? What's to say He wouldn't not love me? Another thing about God love is that we, as humans, cannot comprehend it. We do not have the mind-capacity to understand it fully, nor are we able to replicate it. Which is a reason why we need Him to try to be like Him.

God loves all of us, and I truly want/need to believe that. And, being a Christian, I want to be like Him, and follow what He says. Jesus gives us hints sometimes, on how to be more like Him. Sometimes these hints are subtle, and other times, He tells us exactly what we should do. In Mark 12:31 He says ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Pretty self-explanatory. Love everyone. Neighbor does not mean your best friend, or your family members. It's people in our community, our world. Which, last time I checked, this included our enemies, or the people I have trouble getting along with.

This statement of 'loving everyone as yourself' immediately triggers something inside of me, and I start getting defensive, and justifying why I shouldn't love everyone. Part of that reaction I call my 'teen-reaction', or my want to do the exact opposite of what authority tells me to do, or to hate something I am forced to do. Another part of this reaction, I think, is the fact that I know I do not love everyone. I definitely fall short of this commandment, which, as Jesus said Himself, is the second most important commandment. But, anyway, I digress...

My point is this: God tells us to love everyone as ourselves. But how do we love ourselves? I, for certain, do not usually feel particularly fond of myself. I know some of the things I have done, and I know my own thoughts. Sometimes, I do not like these things I have done, nor the thoughts I have had pass through my head... But, even with this dislike, or lack of fondness, I do not hate myself. Actually, probably one of the reasons I disliked my actions is because I love myself. Brings to mind 'hate the sin, love the sinner'.

Another thing which I have been confused about is punishment. I have often thought that to show my love to someone else is to excuse sins, and get rid of all consequences for their actions. But, again, I look to how I treat myself in this situation... When I do something wrong, I know I deserve the consequences. If anything, NOT punishing a person for wrong-doings is harmful to them, because then they will not know it is wrong. As humans, we learn from mistakes. As a three-year old, you learn not to color on the walls of the kitchen because your parents punish you for your actions.

So, maybe loving others as yourself doesn't mean you have to be fond of them, or enjoy their company. It doesn't mean that you approve of what they are doing or want them to continue down the path they are on. And it doesn't mean ignoring things they do or excusing their actions...

Maybe it just means loving them for being.
Because, when it comes down to it, that's basically why I love myself.
And why God loves me.

His love isn't exactly justified. It just is.