Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

I just want to cry tonight. In fact, that is what I have been doing.

It's been a long few months with many ups and downs... I've had my share of health issues, relational complications, scary situations... Today, I have hit the wall. After some more health stuff as risen... I just feel like I want to scream.

I don't want to deal with this. I'm scared, and it's hard not to worry and trust that God is in control. I just want to curl up in bed and not do anything... Either that, or totally disregard everything my doctors or loved ones have told me and do something that the 'silly me' would do (such as go for a run to Sidney just to get some ice cream).

I don't like this. I don't feel like 'me' right now. I feel like I have no choice.

But enough of that. I was planning on writing a post on how frustrated I am, how tired of the chaos I am, but, then I stumbled across something...

I'm sure everyone has heard of fmylife.com... I enjoyed them for awhile, but I always found myself trying to 'one-up' the post-ers. I'd think to myself 'Oh, so you think your life sucks because of that, well try this ____'. That was not a good breeding ground for positive thoughts. Next, through some random link clicking, I found MyLifeIsAverage. I thought this site was the best... Highlights of 'normal days' from 'normal people'. They made me (and my sister) laugh. A lot. But, tonight, I think I found something even better...

After reading some posts on MLIA, I came across a link to another site... MyLifeIsG THIS is the site for me. As soon as I started reading it, my whole frame of mind changed. I had been planning a blog post to rant and say how much my life sucks, but, this site reminded me that I am so so blessed.

Sure, sometimes life gets me down (and I'm sure I'll be regretting posting this by tomorrow, when I'm exhausted after no sleep and complaining to anyone and everyone who reads text messages or signs onto chat), but I have some freaking amazing things in my life that are there whether life is rough or not.

Tonight was my first night providing art for the Place, and my piece received many compliments. I am finally coming to relize a few things about (my) art... A big one being that I have a talent for art. I know, I should've realized this awhile ago, but... I haven't. But I'm finally beginning to accept that I am a good artists... Thanks to everyone who has told me that over the years. It's finally started to sink in.

I'm blessed with a good mind. Seriously. I don't mean to brag, but, I do think I am a fairly smart person. And geeze, I live in an amazing part of the world, and I've received a great education that has helped form this brain! Even the things I hate (homework, tests, etc) I should be thankful for...

Finally (but this list is definitely not ALL of my blessings), I have a freaking sweet Family. And not just immediate family, but my friends, church community, school teachers...

My Life is Good.

It started out as a feeling...

I have been feeling out of sorts lately. I'm not sure why.
I've been feeling really god for the past few weeks -- Positive, realistic, energized...
But, in the midst of this, there has been a little feeling inside of me...

A few weeks ago, it was just a small feeling, a little seed in my stomach. As school came to an end, I began feeling used to the 'content' mood, and my boredom with having 1 arm grew, so did this seed. For the past few days, it has actually felt very heavy inside me, a feeling that I can't get rid of.

It's uncomfortable, and I don't feel 'right' in my skin. I feel like I want to move, run around, but my body won't support me. Like I want to create something, but have no materials, or inspiration.

It feels like there's something trying to get my attention, and I just don't know how to acknowledge it. Or maybe I should say, I just don't know how to acknowledge Him.

I've been praying, journaling, reading my bible, discusing God-ish things, paying attention in church, participating in community, but nothing in my usual 'routine' seems to satisfy this feeling. Maybe that's the problem, seeing it as a routine... You know, like when you wake up in the morning and get in the shower, get out, brush you hair then your teeth, all while you're half-asleep? Maybe I need to wake up from my half-asleepness...

But what do I know? I'm just thinking as I type, not really sure of where I'm going with any of this... I'm just a 17 year old, going through regular 17 year old stuff. Know what's frustrating? When you KNOW that some of the emotions you're feeling are just because your hormones are raging and you're just overreacting -- That its not the end of the world, you don't have to be right, and you don't always need someone to hold your hand. It's difficult being an aware 17 year old, knowing that those feelings aren't necessary and knowing the right thing to do, but also being a teenager and wanting to feel however I want to feel, and do what I want to do. Not that my body always lets me do what I want to do. -sigh- Growing up is hard.