Happy New Year, merry new decade. Welcome 2010 (which is obviously pronounced 'twenty-ten', in case you hadn't heard). I want to start the new year off right, so I bring you this post! I'm not an expert in forgiveness, although I may be an expert in receiving forgiveness. In either case, these are my thoughts on this tough subject...
It's a choice
Whether or not I feel like forgiving someone does not indicate whether I should forgive or not. Plain and simple, I always should. God commands it. I tend to wait for time to pass, or wait until I feel forgiveness, or until I just don't care anymore. That is when I usually forgive people. But it should (and doesn't) work like that. Through my experiences with forgiveness, the feelings tend to follow the choice.
And, with that said, sometimes the feelings never come. But at least I'm trying to follow God's word.
It's for me
I used to think that forgiveness was a gift I could give to someone. So I would hold back forgiveness, thinking that my wrongdoer would be anxiously waiting for me to dissolve their guilt for what they had done.
So wrong.
As it relates to human forgiveness, forgiving is for the forgiver, not the forgiven. By forgiving, I am releasing my bitterness, rage and anger (Eph 4:31) . I am going to have to want to forgive and I'll need to forgive in order to live the way God wants me to, not centered around the negative, but looking towards the One who gives us Joy.
It's not a one time deal
Forgiving is a daily choice. Actually, it's more like a second-ly choice. Just as my choice to be a follower of Christ is a constant decision. I'll make the choice to forgive someone not once, but daily. And if I stumble, I always have the choice to continue forgiving. And, I have to continue to forgive, even if I don't feel like it.
These thoughts apply not only to forgiving others, but forgiving ourselves too. A lot of the time, for me, forgiving myself is a lot harder than forgiving others. And, in my opinion, there's no better place to practice forgiveness than internally.
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
03 January 2010
14 December 2009
The Hurts of My Past
Galatians 5:1
It was for freedom that Christ set us free
Unlike day-to-day emotions that come from day-to-day life, emotional baggage from the past is always there. Years of exposure and experiences in life has etched grooves into our memory banks, which cause us to focus, or ignore, certain thoughts, memories and emotions.
I don't believe God wants me to completely forget my past. But, He also doesn't want me to dwell in it, which I have a tendency to do. Actually, I have a tendency to dwell on many things, especially negative events. When sometimes has been hurtful, how am I supposed to resolve my feelings, without brushing the events aside or minimizing them? How am I supposed to go on living the life God intends me to, while still remembering where I have come from.
Moving on is inexplicably hard. And as much as it is necessary, I try to avoid it, and I don't think I'm alone. It's not easy, nor fun, but it is worth it.
As I've grown, I've realized a few things about dealing negative events of the past...
That I am a Christian is a good thing for me to remember. It allows me to evaluate my past experiences in light of who I am now, opposed to who I was then, or who I thought I was. Actually, not only has my faith changed, almost all aspects of "me" has changed. I have developed physically, mentally and emotionally. And emotional development is a big key to resolving lasting hurts.
The intensity of a primary emotion is established by how I perceive events at the time they happen. My emotions are a product of how I perceive the events, not a product of the event itself. That is why people can react differently to the same situation. As a Christian, I am not the primary product of my past; I am the primary product of Christ's work on the cross. The flesh, or how I perceived events, still remains, but I have be born again and I am able to live past that.
When a present event activates a primary emotion of the past, many people (including me) tend to believe what the feel instead of what is real, or what is true. For example, people who have been verbally abused by their parents may have a hard time believing they are unconditionally love by their Father God. Their instinctive (or primary) emotion argues that they are unlovable to a parent figure. They then, sometimes, believe that feeling, and then their walk is off course. By believing the truth and walking by faith, we are set free: free of the results of our perspectives, free of the grips of our sorrow, free of the consequences for out sins.
Because I am a Christian, I can look at the past events from the perspective of who I am today. Christ is in my life, desiring to set me free from my past.
"Therefore if an man is in Christ, He is a new creature; the old thing has passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17) That is what I must believe in order to be set free.
Sometimes, there are events that are so painful that I, and other, try to forget, push away, and avoid. Usually, if I'm not dwelling on events (as discussed above), I'm avoiding them. Avoiding memories or triggers that stimulate memories. And I know that I am not the only person who does this, not be a long-shot. Many emotionally traumatized people who have not been able to process past events seek to survive and cope through defence mechanisms. Some live in denial, other rationalise or try suppress the pain, sometimes with food, drugs, drinking or sex.
Pretty obviously, that is not God's way. God does everything in light; He does not suppress or discard. He also loves us, and knows us. I try to use this knowledge to remind myself that I can count on God to bring my past conflicts to light at an appropriate time to be dealt with. God has allowed me to mature to a point where I am able to face the reality of the past. And then, at that time, I try to pray that God would reveal anything in the past that is keeping me in bondage--and God has answered. He is a "Wonderful Counsellor" and definitely knows how and when to get things done.
Often, I don't even know what things are holding me, either because a memory is suppressed or because I simply cannot know everything. And that's really when our Wonderful counsellor can step in to help us.
I believe that the first step in God' answer to repressed trauma is found in Psalm 139:23-24. God knows about our hidden hurts with us which we might not be able to see.
It was for freedom that Christ set us free
Unlike day-to-day emotions that come from day-to-day life, emotional baggage from the past is always there. Years of exposure and experiences in life has etched grooves into our memory banks, which cause us to focus, or ignore, certain thoughts, memories and emotions.
I don't believe God wants me to completely forget my past. But, He also doesn't want me to dwell in it, which I have a tendency to do. Actually, I have a tendency to dwell on many things, especially negative events. When sometimes has been hurtful, how am I supposed to resolve my feelings, without brushing the events aside or minimizing them? How am I supposed to go on living the life God intends me to, while still remembering where I have come from.
Moving on is inexplicably hard. And as much as it is necessary, I try to avoid it, and I don't think I'm alone. It's not easy, nor fun, but it is worth it.
As I've grown, I've realized a few things about dealing negative events of the past...
That I am a Christian is a good thing for me to remember. It allows me to evaluate my past experiences in light of who I am now, opposed to who I was then, or who I thought I was. Actually, not only has my faith changed, almost all aspects of "me" has changed. I have developed physically, mentally and emotionally. And emotional development is a big key to resolving lasting hurts.
The intensity of a primary emotion is established by how I perceive events at the time they happen. My emotions are a product of how I perceive the events, not a product of the event itself. That is why people can react differently to the same situation. As a Christian, I am not the primary product of my past; I am the primary product of Christ's work on the cross. The flesh, or how I perceived events, still remains, but I have be born again and I am able to live past that.
When a present event activates a primary emotion of the past, many people (including me) tend to believe what the feel instead of what is real, or what is true. For example, people who have been verbally abused by their parents may have a hard time believing they are unconditionally love by their Father God. Their instinctive (or primary) emotion argues that they are unlovable to a parent figure. They then, sometimes, believe that feeling, and then their walk is off course. By believing the truth and walking by faith, we are set free: free of the results of our perspectives, free of the grips of our sorrow, free of the consequences for out sins.
Because I am a Christian, I can look at the past events from the perspective of who I am today. Christ is in my life, desiring to set me free from my past.
"Therefore if an man is in Christ, He is a new creature; the old thing has passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17) That is what I must believe in order to be set free.
Sometimes, there are events that are so painful that I, and other, try to forget, push away, and avoid. Usually, if I'm not dwelling on events (as discussed above), I'm avoiding them. Avoiding memories or triggers that stimulate memories. And I know that I am not the only person who does this, not be a long-shot. Many emotionally traumatized people who have not been able to process past events seek to survive and cope through defence mechanisms. Some live in denial, other rationalise or try suppress the pain, sometimes with food, drugs, drinking or sex.
Pretty obviously, that is not God's way. God does everything in light; He does not suppress or discard. He also loves us, and knows us. I try to use this knowledge to remind myself that I can count on God to bring my past conflicts to light at an appropriate time to be dealt with. God has allowed me to mature to a point where I am able to face the reality of the past. And then, at that time, I try to pray that God would reveal anything in the past that is keeping me in bondage--and God has answered. He is a "Wonderful Counsellor" and definitely knows how and when to get things done.
Often, I don't even know what things are holding me, either because a memory is suppressed or because I simply cannot know everything. And that's really when our Wonderful counsellor can step in to help us.
I believe that the first step in God' answer to repressed trauma is found in Psalm 139:23-24. God knows about our hidden hurts with us which we might not be able to see.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
24 October 2009
It must be done.
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13, NLT
I forgive you. A phrase I, and othera, sometimes find very hard to say, including others who, like me, call themselves Christians. Which is slightly strange, I think... Aren't Christians supposed to be just that - 'Christ ones'? We, Chrsitains, seem to hold ourselves and other Christians to a higher standard then our unsaved family or friends. We expect the pastor to always be available when we need him, we expect our Christian friends to be always loving and never judgemental.
I know many self-professing Christians who refuse to enter a church because the have been 'hurt in(or by) the church'. Yet, when Jesus was here on earth He told us that 'offenses will come'..
The truth is that we will be hurt by people, regardless of whether they are pastors, family members, people who love us or fellow members of the family of God. It's a completely natural part of living here on earth. If we can understand that, it will help us move on and deal with the hurt and, eventually, lead to forgiveness.
I wouldn't call myself an expert on forgiveness, but I'm fairly experienced in hurt. Hurt I've been through has caused my to question my faith. The betrayal of trust has hurt me badly, but had I not forgiven and walked on, I probably be very unlike the person I am today.
We hear the phrase forgive and forget thrown around very carelessly these days, which I would like to argue again. Forgive, yes, but don't forget. Don't ignore. Ignoring is the opposite of forgiving. The key is forgiveness is remembering. Even when we were still locked in our own sin (which hurt God), He loved us and forgave us. His expectation of us is that we will go and do the same. We have no right to harbour unforgiveness to others. We need to accept that hurt will come, and then act swiftly to show forgiveness. God doesn't say 'if' we can forgive, He says we 'must' forgive. It is then that we can heal and move forward.
Such an interesting topic, such little time to write about it... More to come, I promise.
I forgive you. A phrase I, and othera, sometimes find very hard to say, including others who, like me, call themselves Christians. Which is slightly strange, I think... Aren't Christians supposed to be just that - 'Christ ones'? We, Chrsitains, seem to hold ourselves and other Christians to a higher standard then our unsaved family or friends. We expect the pastor to always be available when we need him, we expect our Christian friends to be always loving and never judgemental.
I know many self-professing Christians who refuse to enter a church because the have been 'hurt in(or by) the church'. Yet, when Jesus was here on earth He told us that 'offenses will come'..
The truth is that we will be hurt by people, regardless of whether they are pastors, family members, people who love us or fellow members of the family of God. It's a completely natural part of living here on earth. If we can understand that, it will help us move on and deal with the hurt and, eventually, lead to forgiveness.
I wouldn't call myself an expert on forgiveness, but I'm fairly experienced in hurt. Hurt I've been through has caused my to question my faith. The betrayal of trust has hurt me badly, but had I not forgiven and walked on, I probably be very unlike the person I am today.
We hear the phrase forgive and forget thrown around very carelessly these days, which I would like to argue again. Forgive, yes, but don't forget. Don't ignore. Ignoring is the opposite of forgiving. The key is forgiveness is remembering. Even when we were still locked in our own sin (which hurt God), He loved us and forgave us. His expectation of us is that we will go and do the same. We have no right to harbour unforgiveness to others. We need to accept that hurt will come, and then act swiftly to show forgiveness. God doesn't say 'if' we can forgive, He says we 'must' forgive. It is then that we can heal and move forward.
Such an interesting topic, such little time to write about it... More to come, I promise.