Power

It strengthens me, knowing you think of me every day. I feel your care and concern in every part of my life. I'm not always appreciative or kind enough to you, but you always greet me with open arms. My silliness somehow makes you laugh, my problems make you cry, and my successes please you more than I.
It seems as though you are an answer to the prayers of my soul, a kindred spirit directed here to lighten my load. You comprehend me even when I can't fathom myself, and decipher my every glance or grunt. You know me better than I know myself, and the love you give me bolsters my bleeding self-image.
I could never deserve you or thank you enough for the godsend you are in my life.
I've lost track of how many times you've showed me the way, and it is through your steadfast efforts to show Gods love that I brave each harrowing day.

There is a sacredness in tears: they are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, and of unspeakable love.  - Washington Irving

Vulnerable

a furious Love...

Usually, I think of 'fury' as an angry word. I associate it with rage, or extreme anger. But, like many words in the English Language, I believe 'fury' or 'furious' can mean something more than just extreme anger. The Compact Oxford Dictionary describes fury as "with great energy or effort" and furious as "full of energy or intensity". In Tremendous Trifles, GK Chesterton wrote of "the furious love of God", and I'm pretty sure he meant "intense energy" rather than rage.

I have experienced God's furious Love. For me, it's the baffling, unexplainable, unexplainable, unfathomable feeling I get at unexpected, yet purposeful times. And, sometimes, I show a furious love for God, especially when the Love that I know and have experienced is questioned. What makes me even more furious (in either sense of the word...?) is when I hear someone teach a skewed view of His Love. This happened at my school recently, where a teacher of a friend suggested a judgemental and manipulative image of the God I love. Perhaps I'll share THAT story another time. Anyway, judgemental or manipulative are not words I'd use to describe Him...

Jesus said "Live in me. Make your home in me as I do in you" (John 15:4, MSG)

Home is usually a word associated with an environment of welcoming love and acceptance, accompanied by signs of affection. His invitation to love is startling, and extremely different to the idea God's Love that I often see taught, and often hear from my non-Christian friends. So frequently I hear people speak of God's love in terms of rules, and their interpretation of Christianity as a formula. So often I have even tried to categorize His Love, make it as tangible as possible, but in the way I have attempted to do that, it limits His compassion, limits who He is to me...

The awesome Love of God has become tangible. It has even become audible. His Love for us is Jesus, who is filled with enduring Love. In Ephesians 3:17-19, Paul prays...

that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

It took me a few reads, but suddenly, I realized what Paul was saying. The Love of Christ is beyond knowledge. God's Love cannot be understood. I have to let go of all my ideas of God, and be open to the real God. I think THAT is when we will be filled up with the fullness of God.

So many of my previous ideas of God I now realize were so wrong. The wrathful god of alternating moods, the irritated god disgusted with believers, the prejudiced god partial to my church, the warrior god of a 'just' war, the inconsistent god of questionable morality... There are so many ideas of 'god' that I've had over the years, I could go on for ages.

But, for now, I think I've changed my outlook. For today, Von Balthasar's credo rings true to me:
"Love alone is credible"

For today, I believe that the best definition of God is Love. Which leads me to the next questions... What is Love?

Simply put, Love is God, and vice versa. You just can't separate the two.

God is love. 1 John 4:10

A rather long post that you may or may not agree with...

So.

A slightly long while ago I went for a simply marvelous walk with Matty and Caitlin. Good times on Dallas Road. After our little stroll, we had a slight bit of lunch, and upon leaving, started a conversation that really got me thinking...
I won't share those first thoughts right away, as they may be slightly hard to articulate (and also, not entirely constructive/beneficial towards the desired theme of the first half of this post), but I will share the thoughts which came from the thoughts that those thoughts lead to. At least, what I remember of those thoughts, because, as I have stated, that day has long passed and my memory isn't as strong as it once was...

These thoughts centered around forgiveness. By no means do I claim to be an expert in this area. I would say that I have a lot of experience with (attempted) forgiveness, but I don't exactly have a perfect track record in forgiving others. I like to try, but can't say that I always do the 'Christian thing'.

I tend to struggle with the idea of forgiving others. Especially "bad" people. Like, hurtful people. It's hard to find the strength to forgive. When I'm angry at someone, I want to stay angry at them. So, here's the first point I'd like to make... I've realized recently that forgiveness is not forgetting or excusing. As the brilliant CS Lewis said, "If one was really not to blame, then there is nothing to forgive. In that sense forgiveness and excusing are almost opposite."

This is really huge for me. I have often wanted to prove my forgiveness towards someone by justifying their actions. This cannot be done for forgiveness to take place. Because, if their actions are truly justifiable, why forgive?

Okay, so, that's some thoughts on forgiveness. A touchy subject for many. Now, what about loving people? Loving others? It's a pretty well-known thing that God is big on love. I was talking with the Middle-schoolers at my church a few weeks ago on who Jesus loves. The answer: Everyone. They told me that during His time here on earth, he loved all people, including lepers and prostitutes and tax collectors. So, first of all, God loves all of us… But sometimes for me it's hard to believe that, and even harder to accept it. How can He love people who are hurting the people He loves? If someone is picking on my sister, I surely am not fond of them... And yet, it is within my best interest to believe that His love encompasses all, because if He doesn't love everyone, where would He draw the line? What's to say He wouldn't not love me? Another thing about God love is that we, as humans, cannot comprehend it. We do not have the mind-capacity to understand it fully, nor are we able to replicate it. Which is a reason why we need Him to try to be like Him.

God loves all of us, and I truly want/need to believe that. And, being a Christian, I want to be like Him, and follow what He says. Jesus gives us hints sometimes, on how to be more like Him. Sometimes these hints are subtle, and other times, He tells us exactly what we should do. In Mark 12:31 He says ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Pretty self-explanatory. Love everyone. Neighbor does not mean your best friend, or your family members. It's people in our community, our world. Which, last time I checked, this included our enemies, or the people I have trouble getting along with.

This statement of 'loving everyone as yourself' immediately triggers something inside of me, and I start getting defensive, and justifying why I shouldn't love everyone. Part of that reaction I call my 'teen-reaction', or my want to do the exact opposite of what authority tells me to do, or to hate something I am forced to do. Another part of this reaction, I think, is the fact that I know I do not love everyone. I definitely fall short of this commandment, which, as Jesus said Himself, is the second most important commandment. But, anyway, I digress...

My point is this: God tells us to love everyone as ourselves. But how do we love ourselves? I, for certain, do not usually feel particularly fond of myself. I know some of the things I have done, and I know my own thoughts. Sometimes, I do not like these things I have done, nor the thoughts I have had pass through my head... But, even with this dislike, or lack of fondness, I do not hate myself. Actually, probably one of the reasons I disliked my actions is because I love myself. Brings to mind 'hate the sin, love the sinner'.

Another thing which I have been confused about is punishment. I have often thought that to show my love to someone else is to excuse sins, and get rid of all consequences for their actions. But, again, I look to how I treat myself in this situation... When I do something wrong, I know I deserve the consequences. If anything, NOT punishing a person for wrong-doings is harmful to them, because then they will not know it is wrong. As humans, we learn from mistakes. As a three-year old, you learn not to color on the walls of the kitchen because your parents punish you for your actions.

So, maybe loving others as yourself doesn't mean you have to be fond of them, or enjoy their company. It doesn't mean that you approve of what they are doing or want them to continue down the path they are on. And it doesn't mean ignoring things they do or excusing their actions...

Maybe it just means loving them for being.
Because, when it comes down to it, that's basically why I love myself.
And why God loves me.

His love isn't exactly justified. It just is.