you don't need the strength of Atlas, to hold up your world

I'm usually okay with the cliche, overused phrases that everyone says to each other. These things come up in many situations, but I most commonly hear them when someone is trying to comfort another. I know that it is hard to express what we are feeling, and so sometimes, it is just easier to say something cliche. It's the thought or meaning that counts, right?

But there has been one phrase lately that has really troubled me, and I'm to a point now where I think I just may correct anyone I hear say it.
I have frequently heard the words, "God won't give you more than you can handle." Though it is nice to think that way, I don't believe that the Bible says that. And I know from my experience, though the phrase sounds comforting at first, it can lead to many negative thoughts.

The quote is a poor paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which is more accurately paraphrased as, "God will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability to escape." (Which, unless I'm mistaken, I think is exactly what the verse says.. Too bad we like to but things into our own words.)

The cliche version of the verse changes the meaning of 'temptation' to burden, and, for me at least, that has both positive and negative sides to it... On the positive side, which we generally see in the short term, it means that we can get through anything, because God is with us. On the negative side, which I generally start to see once things start to get harder, and the 'poop' hits the fan... It sounds like God gives us our struggles, kinda hands them to us in rations. 'Here you go, you can handle this, and you can handle this...'

I guess I had heard that misquote one too many times when I was talking young boy who had just lost his older sister. Through the tears, the young boy was talking about what he was struggling with, sounding much more mature than any 12 year old should--"People tell me that God won't give me more than I can handle, but I don't know…" his voice trailing, "having my dad in jail, [my step-dad] die 3 years ago, and now Liz gone... It feels like more than I can bear on my own."

That squeezed my heart. The one little phrase 'God will not give you more than you can handle' can really do I number on people. I know it has for me, and now I see this young boy struggling with the same thing I did. I always would think, 'Why is God even giving me struggles in the first place? If He's all-powerful and all-knowing, can't he find another way to teach me to be strong? Why'd He have to choose this way?!

Jesus jumped all over the preachers of his day for burdening people with loads they could not carry themselves. I find this to be one of the worst misquotes/misinterpretations of Scripture because God doesn't give us our "share of calamities." He doesn't say, 'Okay, you need to learn how to be stronger, so I'm going to take away your big sister.' Much of what we are "given" is either put upon us by others or self-acquired. As I've said before, this is a broken world. This is not what God wanted for us. God doesn't give us struggles, He feels the pain along with us.

There was no way to make this boys situation better. There was no way for me to come up with a happy ending for this post, saying "Instead of saying 'this', say 'THIS'." Sometimes there are no words to share with someone to make them feel better. Sometimes you have to resort to those catch-phrased, overused words. But, what you are saying has meaning behind it, and that's what matters. If you're sorry for someones pain, say it. Or if you believe they'll make it through a tough time, than you can say that too. And, in my opinion, if there are no words, a hug is a great way of letting someone know you're there.

my shoulder.

Okay. So. I'm mad.

For those of you who don't know, I've been in and out of hospital a lot lately. Something like 6 or 7 trips to the ER in a month. I think that's a new record. I should get a reward or something... "Congratulations, you're broken!" Anyway, I digress.

I have terrible shoulders. Actually, all my joints are pretty bad, really loose and fragile, but my shoulders are especially bad, due to the combination of high performance sports, biological mistakes and stupid accidents. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to go to hospital for my shoulder, but I know it's over 20. That doesn't count the number of times I haven't gone to the hospital.

That's not even what frustrates me. Nope.

What frustrates me is the fact that nothing is being done about it. The last few times I've gone into the ER, they haven't even tried to put it back in place because "it will just come back out anyways". The surgeon won't operate because "it's not a good match" and he "doesn't know what's wrong, why it keeps coming out". My GP won't give me a referral to get a custom made brace because "that's [your] specialists' job". My specialist/surgeon has a 2 month wait-list, so by the time I'm actually able to get the brace, I can expect another 10 or so hospital trips... Anyways, so then the job of 'fixing' me gets left to my physiotherapist. He has been totally great--but he can't really do anything. I've been in a fiber glass cast, taped up like Christmas present, massaged, put in traction... The list goes on. And it's not because he is doing something wrong, it's because my shoulder is so messed basically nothing helps. I was put in a cast and it STILL dislocated (while I was reaching for my bible, might I add...).

I'm a relatively healthy 17 year-old, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been told not to go into the ER unless a)I lose feeling in my arm, or b)it's been fully dislocated for over 6 hours. That just ain't cool. Sure, my pain tolerance is getting high, but 6 hours is a long time to wait. And it's just freaky not to be able to use your arm. I've experienced it way too much lately, thanks.

Then, what frustrates me even MORE is the fact that there is absolutely NO conversation at all between my medical team. Were I in the States (just using as an example...) my specialist, GP and physio would all be working together to form a plan for how best to fix this. Instead, I have to be the go-between, and they all just keep saying the same thing--"I can't do anything, so go see ____." Well, I shouldn't really say that. Andrew (my physio) has definitely been trying, like I said, but even he has been referring me to other people. He's just as frustrated as I am, because he doesn't understand the system either.

In May, back with this had only been a major issue for a few weeks (that's right, May!) I met a guy on the bus, wearing the same sort of sling-shoulder-immobilizer-contraption I was. He had been in a bar fight the night before, dislocated his shoulder, and had surgery that morning. Okay, so, maybe his was 'the right' type of dislocation for surgery, but maybe if I get in a bar fight, at least the doctors will consider treatment options?! I don't know.

Anyway... Wish me luck. I'm headed on a family vacation soon, and Andrew figures I'm going to be visiting the ER at least once... That won't be fun, I don't like new places...

Oh, and the reason I'm up so late? I tried going to sleep, got one of my nightmares, and rolled on my shoulder, slipping it completely out of joint again. What will come first, lack of feeling or the 6 hour mark? Only 5 and a half hours of agony left until the good drugs...

Argh.

Why am I awake?

It's 3:30 on a Monday night, and I am seriously thinking that I may not sleep at all tonight.
Not because of lack of trying, let me tell you. I dutifully laid in bed for 3 hours before finally giving in a bringing out the laptop.

Okay, so, zero sleep is a lie. I did fall asleep around 12:03ish (because thats the lst time I remember seeing on the clock) and then was awoken by nightmares at 12:19. I figure I probably got less than 15 minutes of sleep, and quite possibly less that 5 minutes of undisturbed sleep.

Why can't I just rest?!

Pissing me off. Might as well do something with my time though... Stay tuned for a blog post. :]
And by stay tuned, I mean there will be one coming later tonight, but you (the reader) have probably already read it, assuming that you do not check my blog before I post it. If you ARE checking my blog around 3:30 am... You need to sort out your priorities.

I'm just sayin'.

Ugh.

Nicknames.

In general, I don't like them.

Certain people can call me certain things, and I don't mind it, but... Ugh. Nicknames piss me off.

I seem to be a frequent victim of 'sports nicknames'. This is probably because I've played a fair deal of sports in my day... The thing about nicknames given to you by teammates/coaches is that they tend to stick, no matter if you like them or not...

The first (sports) nickname that really stuck was a water polo nickname... 'Beast'. That's right... It was given to me when I was 13. It was my first time ever playing with 'the big kids' and I was the youngest in the pool... So, obviously, being the bantam (novice), I checked the biggest guy on the team... 6' 11" Jesse "Seacow" McCowin. He could walk on the bottom of the pool and still had his head above water... Anyway... The end of the story is, I owned him. My endless supply of energy had me swimming circles around him, and my aggressive streak had me grabbing/kicking harder whenever he tried to do something to me. From that day on, I was known as 'Beast'.

And I STILL answer to it.
Disgusting.

So, tonight, after a freezing cold day on the water, I was not pleased to hear my new nickname...
"Athletic Barbie"
Supposively it's not even new, and my coaches have been calling me that for awhile now. I don't even know where it comes from, or why they would call me that. The scary thing is there are 3 other Sarah's on the team, so... They've been looking for different names to call us. The potential of this sticking: high.

I have no words to describe how much this bothers me...

Yuck.