The slow, shaking head...

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:13-14 (ESV)

I don't think I'm the only one who feels this, but sometimes I feel like I'm a disappointment to God. Actually, I feel that way a lot. Between the way I treat others and how I treat myself... Well, it's safe to say that it's not always the way He would like me to be acting. Some days I don't live the way Jesus wants me to, let alone how I think I should.

"The devil loves the line of logic. If he can convince us that God's grace has limited funds, we'll draw the logical conclusion. The account is empty." -Max Lucado

Sometimes, I think that when I finally get to meet God, He is going to raise an eyebrow because I didn't follow the path He had laid out for me. I'm worried that He's going to shake His head slowly as I hang my head in shame. I mean, I've screwed up plenty. What if God is just watching me, head in His hands, as I make mistake after mistake?

What if who I am is a disappointment to Him?

This is when I turn to the bible, God's word. It is evident that others have screwed up too--Peter (Mark 14:66-72), David (2 Samuel 11), the Samaritan woman (John 4:1-23)... And guess what? God and Jesus restores them all, forgave all their sins. All three of them received grace, and so do we. We are forgiven and blessed with grace.

Do I want to mess up? Do I aim to do wrong? Not usually. But, sadly, I do sometimes make mistakes. Looking at Peter, David and the Samaritan woman, I have good company. Peter denied God three times (Mark 14:66-72). David took another mans wife (2 Samuel 11) and the Samaritan woman had more than one husband (John 4:1-23). And it's not about whether their sins are greater than mine or vice versa (cause all sins are equal in Gods eyes). I don't have to fear disappointing Him--He already knows I will screw up. He knew Peter would deny Him, He knew the Samaritan woman had more than 1 husband. He knows that I am going to screw up. He has provided me a way to heaven, through Christ His Son.


- + - + - + -

This is my first post in awhile. As busy as university life has been, it's also got my mind working again, and has inspired lots of thoughts/thinking. I make no promises about how long I'll be around on the interwebs, but for now, I think it's safe to say welcome back to Thoughts from SarahPee.

:]

Resurrection

An inspiring piece by Rob Bell. (click the link to watch the movie)

Jesus is standing in front of the temple in Jerusalem, the massive gleaming brick and stone and gold house of God and he says, "Destroy this temple and I’ll rebuild it in three days." The people listening to him said "how are you going to do that? It took 46 years to build this temple!" But he wasn’t talking about that temple, he’s talking about himself. He essentially says, "listen, I’m going to be killed." That’s where this is headed, because you don’t confront corrupt systems of power without paying for it, sometimes with your own blood. And so he’s headed to his execution.

If you had witnessed this divine life extinguished on a cross, how would you not be overwhelmed with despair? Is the world ultimately a cold, hard, dead place? Does death have the last word? Is it truly, honestly, actually dark, and so whatever light we do see, whatever good we do stumble upon, are those just blips on the radar? Momentary interruptions in an otherwise meaningless existence? Because if that’s the case, then despair is the only reasonable response.

It's easy to be cynical, but Jesus says destroy this temple and I’ll rebuild it. He insists that his execution would not be the end. He’s talking about something new and unexpected happening after his death. He’s talking about resurrection.

Resurrection announces that God has not given up on the world, because this world matters. This world that we call home--dirt and blood and sweat and skin and light and water. This world that God is redeeming and restoring and renewing. Greed and violence and abuse...they are not right and they cannot last. They belong to death and death does not belong.

Resurrection says that what we do with our lives matters. In this body, the one that we inhabit right now, every act of compassion matters. Every work of art that celebrates the good and the true matters, every fair and honest act of business and trade, every kind word. They all belong and they will all go on in God’s good world. Nothing will be forgotten, nothing will be wasted. It all has it’s place

Everybody believes something, everybody believes somebody. Jesus invites us to trust resurrection, that every glimmer of good, every hint of hope, every impulse that elevates the soul is a sign, a taste, a glimpse of how things actually are and how things will ultimately be. Resurrection affirms this life and the next as a seamless reality, embraced, graced, and saved by God.

There is an unexpected mysterious presence who meets each of us in our lowest moments, when we have no strength and when we have nothing left. When we can’t go on we hear the voice that speaks those words, "Destroy this temple and I’ll rebuild it."

Do you believe this? That’s the question Jesus asked then, and that’s the question he asks now.

Jesus’ friends arrive at his tomb and they’re told "he isn’t here". You didn’t see that coming, did you? "He’s isn’t here, there is nothing to fear, and nothing can ever be the same again." We are living in a world in the midst of rescue, with endless unexpected possibilities.

"They will take my life and I will die," Jesus says, "but that will not be the end." And when you find yourself assuming that it’s over, when it’s lost, gone, broken and it could never be put back together again, when it’s been destroyed and you swear that it could never be rebuilt, hold on a minute. Because in that moment, things will in fact have just begun.

* * *

I watched this clip this evening, and God knows how much I needed it. I listened a few times, and realized how much more I would get out of it by reading it, so I decided to type it out as I listened. Then, after typing for about half an hour, I tried searching for the transcript, and realized that I could've saved time and just posted that. But I got so much out of this transcript, it was definitely worth it.

Having Peace

Everyone has seen tragedy. Haiti, 911, the Holocaust... Few of us have faced such depth as tragedy as those listed, however, some form of strife has made it's way into all of our lives. For some it is the death of a loved one. For other, it may be a health related crisis. Others will face divorce or other personal trauma.

Tragedy comes as a part of life -- non-Christians and Christian alike. Details may vary, but the experience does not.

I have asked many times over life whether it's possible to have peace in the world we live in. Some people would say that peace is impossible, an ideal that we can work toward but never obtain. I, on the other hand, think that peace is entirely possible. Through experience though, I think that it can be difficult to acheive, and we usually seek it in the wrong way... Here are 3 suggestions I can make.

1. Understand that God is here
There are tons of 'God' bumper stickers out there, and there's one that I've seen that says "Know God, Know Peace. No God, No Peace". This is totally true. Without acknowledgement that there is a God, we will not have peace. That's why it's called the "peace of God" or "God's peace" in the Bible. At this moment, I can't explain it, but all I know is that "I've got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart".

2. Understand that God is aware
Jesus made a remarkable statement concerning this incredible attribute of the awareness of God in Matthew 10:29... Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. Honestly, God did not create this world and then turn His back on it; His is aware of what is going on, and we are alone in the struggles we are facing. He rejoices when he sees good, love and beauty. It breaks His heart when He sees strife; war and hatred, what we have done to this world.

3. Understand that God cares

Okay, so there's a God, but that's not enough to bring us peace. He's aware of what is going on., but still... Is that enough to bring peace in my life? A big tipping point for me is to know that God cares.

Not only is he with us, He knows us. He knows who each one of us is, and knows everything about us. He knows the numbers of hairs on each of our heads* and knows our every want and need. If He cares about the hairs on our heads to that degree of detail, I feel confident that He knows everything about us in all ways. David got it write when he wrote "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me"

If we are going to have peace in our lives it will only be when we genuinely realize that God not only knows whats best for us, but that He wants what is best for us. And then we have to take that belief and act upon it. We must step out in faith knowing that God is rooting for us and that He knows what He's doing.

Too often we second-guess God. It's almost like we say "Okay God. I love you, and I know you are in fact God. I know you are The Creator and the Ruler of the entire freakin' universe, but, I think in this case, I actually know the better thing to do." And so we do what we think is best and then when it all falls to pieces, we wonder what went wrong. It's funny that sometimes we look back and say, "Darn, if only I had done what God had wanted me to do..." God cares, and He sees a much bigger picture than we do (kinda like someone else I know--shout out!).

The life of a Christian isn't all quiet and contemplative. We face turmoil and trouble just like anyone else. But the wonder of it all is that, in the midst of all the troubled life that is crashing loudly around us, we can have peace! With the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, we can experience peace on a level that defies humans understanding (check out Philippians 4:7).

It means we can experience God's peace in our church. It means we can experience God's peace in our homes, even between parents and siblings. It means we can experience God's peace out in the world. Really, it means that we can experience God's piece in our hearts. It doesn't mean that any of these places are going to be perfect, but it means that in spite of that, we can have peace. Because true peace doesn't come from us, or anything the world can offer us - it comes from God.


*(side note: I've always wanted to ask...)

Tattered clothes

The young girl stared down at her muddy shoes and her tattered jeans that barely reached her ankles. She couldn't be picky about clothes anymore though; what money Joe was able to make went to more important things. She though about the last year, and the constant rumble of the bus eased her away from reality.

Grade 11 had started normally; friends were plentiful and life was busy. Between chores, homework, church and jobs around the community, Meredith had her hands full. September and Octorber passed by in a blur, nothing noteworthy grabbing her attention. In November though, some strange things began happening...

4 months later, life really started to change. Mid-March Meredith could no longer hide her secret; she was pregnant. Her parents were outraged and felt betrayed, her friends were suddenly distant. They all questions whether they really knew who their friend and daughter was. Meredith found herself to be the topic of conversation amongst the neighbors. She tried to tell people that she hadn't slept with her boyfriend Joe; she was saving herself for marriage. When she told her family about the man who had appeared to her... well, that made them doubt her explanations even more.

After 4 months of ridicule, Meredith couldn't stand it anymore. She was the outcast at school and the freak show in public. People started and pointed at her wherever she went. Joe was the only person who seemed to understand, although even her seemed to question the situation at times.

In June, one month before the baby was due, Joe and Meredith left town. Joe was born in Seattle and they were hoping to find sanctuary at his fathers' house. Unfortunately, they had no steady income and no transportation. About the only thing going for them was that Meredith was quite pregnant by this time, and many people helped them out because of her situation. Day-by-day the young couple got closer and closer  to their final destination. Countless time over the journey they had lost their patience with each other, complained about sore backs, begged for change... Their lives had changed drastically over 8 months.

Finally they arrived in Seattle, and the city was more alive than they ever could have imagine. It was July 3rd, and it seemed as though the entire world had flocked to the city for celebration. Joe and Meredith had saved up a little money, but it was still no use; every available bed in the city was taken. Meredith was exhausted, and Joe's heart was aching at the sight of his girlfriend struggling. Finally, at a shelter on the edge of downtown, Joe was able to convince the manager to let them sleep in a hallway in their sleeping bags.

Halfway through the night, Meredith found herself in unbearable pain.She cried for her mom, for someone to help her through the ordeal. Scared, she prayed for God to keep her, and her son, safe for the night...

Suddenly the bus jolted to  stop and Meredith was back in the present. She looked down at the sleeping boy in her arms, overcome with love for her small son. She knew that He was the Hope for her world.

It's not original, I know, writing a modern story of Jesus' birth. But, I often forget that Mary was a young girl, like me. And she went through struggles as she carried the Lord in her womb. I often forget that, although teens/unmarried women getting pregnant in today's society are not uncommon, it would have been a disgrace to Mary and her family for her to be pregnant outside of wedlock. What Mary and Joseph did was remarkable, and they were regular ol' mistake-making humans. Again, like me. Wow.

Each day this advent season, I stumble across another part of the advent story that totally floors me... Sometimes we have to take another look at the stories we think we know so well.

The Hurts of My Past

Galatians 5:1
     It was for freedom that Christ set us free

    Unlike day-to-day emotions that come from day-to-day life, emotional baggage from the past is always there. Years of exposure and experiences in life has etched grooves into our memory banks, which cause us to focus, or ignore, certain thoughts, memories and emotions.

    I don't believe God wants me to completely forget my past. But, He also doesn't want me to dwell in it, which I have a tendency to do. Actually, I have a tendency to dwell on many things, especially negative events. When sometimes has been hurtful, how am I supposed to resolve my feelings, without brushing the events aside or minimizing them? How am I supposed to go on living the life God intends me to, while still remembering where I have come from.

    Moving on is inexplicably hard. And as much as it is necessary, I try to avoid it, and I don't think I'm alone. It's not easy, nor fun, but it is worth it.

    As I've grown, I've realized a few things about dealing negative events of the past...

    That I am a Christian is a good thing for me to remember. It allows me to evaluate my past experiences in light of who I am now, opposed to who I was then, or who I thought I was. Actually, not only has my faith changed, almost all aspects of "me" has changed. I have developed physically, mentally and emotionally. And emotional development is a big key to resolving lasting hurts.

    The intensity of a primary emotion is established by how I perceive events at the time they happen. My emotions are a product of how I perceive the events, not a product of the event itself. That is why people can react differently to the same situation. As a Christian, I am not the primary product of my past; I am the primary product of Christ's work on the cross. The flesh, or how I perceived events, still remains, but I have be born again and I am able to live past that.

    When a present event activates a primary emotion of the past, many people (including me) tend to believe what the feel instead of what is real, or what is true. For example, people who have been verbally abused by their parents may have a hard time believing they are unconditionally love by their Father God. Their instinctive (or primary) emotion argues that they are unlovable to a parent figure. They then, sometimes, believe that feeling, and then their walk is off course. By believing the truth and walking by faith, we are set free: free of the results of our perspectives, free of the grips of our sorrow, free of the consequences for out sins.

    Because I am a Christian, I can look at the past events from the perspective of who I am today. Christ is in my life, desiring to set me free from my past.

    "Therefore if an man is in Christ, He is a new creature; the old thing has passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17) That is what I must believe in order to be set free.

    Sometimes, there are events that are so painful that I, and other, try to forget, push away, and avoid. Usually, if I'm not dwelling on events (as discussed above), I'm avoiding them. Avoiding memories or triggers that stimulate memories. And I know that I am not the only person who does this, not be a long-shot. Many emotionally traumatized people who have not been able to process past events seek to survive and cope through defence mechanisms. Some live in denial, other rationalise or try suppress the pain, sometimes with food, drugs, drinking or sex.

    Pretty obviously, that is not God's way. God does everything in light; He does not suppress or discard. He also loves us, and knows us. I try to use this knowledge to remind myself that I can count on God to bring my past conflicts to light at an appropriate time to be dealt with. God has allowed me to mature to a point where I am able to face the reality of the past. And then, at that time, I try to pray that God would reveal anything in the past that is keeping me in bondage--and God has answered. He is a "Wonderful Counsellor" and definitely knows how and when to get things done.

    Often, I don't even know what things are holding me, either because a memory is suppressed or because I simply cannot know everything. And that's really when our Wonderful counsellor can step in to help us.

    I believe that the first step in God' answer to repressed trauma is found in Psalm 139:23-24. God knows about our hidden hurts with us which we might not be able to see.

  Search me, O God, and know my heart; 

       test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

  See if there is any offensive way in me, 

       and lead me in the way everlasting.

It must be done.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13, NLT

I forgive you. A phrase I, and othera, sometimes find very hard to say, including others who, like me, call themselves Christians. Which is slightly strange, I think... Aren't Christians supposed to be just that - 'Christ ones'? We, Chrsitains, seem to hold ourselves and other Christians to a higher standard then our unsaved family or friends. We expect the pastor to always be available when we need him, we expect our Christian friends to be always loving and never judgemental.

I know many self-professing Christians who refuse to enter a church because the have been 'hurt in(or by) the church'. Yet, when Jesus was here on earth He told us that 'offenses will come'..

The truth is that we will be hurt by people, regardless of whether they are pastors, family members, people who love us or fellow members of the family of God. It's a completely natural part of living here on earth. If we can understand that, it will help us move on and deal with the hurt and, eventually, lead to forgiveness.

I wouldn't call myself an expert on forgiveness, but I'm fairly experienced in hurt. Hurt I've been through has caused my to question my faith. The betrayal of trust has hurt me badly, but had I not forgiven and walked on, I probably be very unlike the person I am today.

We hear the phrase forgive and forget thrown around very carelessly these days, which I would like to argue again. Forgive, yes, but don't forget. Don't ignore. Ignoring is the opposite of forgiving. The key is forgiveness is remembering. Even when we were still locked in our own sin (which hurt God), He loved us and forgave us. His expectation of us is that we will go and do the same. We have no right to harbour unforgiveness to others. We need to accept that hurt will come, and then act swiftly to show forgiveness. God doesn't say 'if' we can forgive, He says we 'must' forgive. It is then that we can heal and move forward.

Such an interesting topic, such little time to write about it... More to come, I promise.

Squall is a strange word...

Some of you may have noticed my blogging frenzy I've been in lately. Now that I've settled into school and the weather is getting chilly so I'm spending most of my time inside, I've had time to think over conversations, random thoughts, and struggles of the past few months... These posts I've written and the ones still to come are all inspired from said discussion, thoughts or struggles over this time...

There was once a popular song that said "From a distance God is watching us..."

There are some people who believe God is like that. That He created the Earth and its inhabitants and then just walked away, watching from a distance, observing but not interfering, interested but uncaring.
But I don't believe that at all.

Awhile back I was reading Mark 4, verses 33-41. Crowds have gathered around the waters endge, and Jesus is teaching them from the bow of a fishing boat. He uses parable to teach the crowd, and then, a while later, he teaches his disciples through a living parable.

³³With many similar parables Jesus spoke the word to them, as much as they could understand. ³⁴He did not say anything to them without using a parable. But when he was alone with his own disciples, he explained everything.

³⁵That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." ³⁶Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
³⁹He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

⁴⁰He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

⁴¹They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

Notice verse 36... Especially how it says "..they took him along, just as he was, in the boat."

When the storms came, Jesus was in the boat with them. In my opinion, it could not be made any more plain: When the storms of life come up, he is "in the boat" with us.

So why doesn't it seem that way? Why does it feel like he's far off, on the shores, watching us struggle?

I think it's because we are focused on the waves, while he is focused on our faith. We are concerned with the material world, what is happening around us, he is concerned with our spirit. When the disciples cried out "don't you care if we drown?" Jesus' reply was "Where is your faith?"

This living parable was teaching the disciples, and us, about faith and trust. Jesus told them to go to the other side, he was in the boat with them. One might say that Jesus used the situation for the trying and the growth of their faith.

This life and this world are temporary. God gave us both. He is able, and has promised to give us a new life, a new heaven, and a new Earth, all based on faith. He cares for us, no doubt, but he priorities are eternal.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand,
that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your
anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7

Thanksgivings...

The other day I was admiring a tree on the street that had started to change colour, with beautiful orange leaves. They were bright and colourful, begging to fall and be crunched by feet. The longer I looked, the more details I noticed. Red, oranges, yellows, browns... My initial reaction was "That's so freaking beautiful, I should paint it!" Then, out of nowhere, I could hear or sense the presence of God in that instance, say something along the line of "Thank you, glad you like it too."

At the moment, things are going fairly well for me. I'm "happy" in the worldly sense of the world, things are seemingly on the right track, and I’m healthy... When we are enjoying our lives, I think its praise to God. However, I also know that I may not feel this way tomorrow. I might be hurting or sad, under-the-weather... Tomorrow may bring something tragic or unjust my way. I'm slightly concerned how I will act then... I struggled so long with struggling, and then had to really work to get things going okay, and, now I'm worried about what will happen when things aren't going perfectly. How will I act? When things are going well, I remember to thank God for beautiful flowers, a cozy bedroom I share with a wonderful sister, my amazing friends, Jesus, etc., but sometimes, when the pain is strong and the going is though, I don't really feel like doing those things. In fact, I don't even think about it at all.

It's so much easier to be thankful when things are going pretty well. However, there is so much heartache and pain in this world, it would not be wise to forget that struggles exist, and we also need to be prepared for the hard times--not prepared in that we know they will come, but prepared in that we know what to do when they come. James 1:2 says,

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds

Is that how we typically feel when our lives are in a mess and our world is crashing down around us? I know I don't. So then, how do we do that? How are we supposed to be joyful when going through struggles? I think part of the answer is to be honest with ourselves and with God. The pain is real, and it sure-as-heck hurts. The worst is that sometimes it feels as though there is no purpose behind the pain. I believe (at least I think I do...) that there is a purpose even to the seemingly pointless pain... Perhaps this pain is actually a perfect opportunity to give glory to God. I think of Job, and what Satan said about him... "Job only prasies you (God) because things are going well with him! Take it all away, and see how he will curse you." When things are going badly for us, and we find the strength in us to still praise our Father, I believe this is what brings Him great glory. I think, if we remember glorifying God, it will be a little easier to "thank god in all things".

Happy Thanksgiving!

lol (aka Laugh out Loud)

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!


I have always heard the term 'laugh therapy' in counselling, and even occasionally with regular doctors. I once heard a story (fact or fiction?) about a lady who was healed by a steady diet of The Three Stooges. Although there isn't very much scientific proof when it comes to laughter as medicine (at least, not that I can find... Want to do some digging, Matt?), researchers are gathering evidence that the way we feel can drastically affect chemical chances in our bodies, influencing everything from our brain to our heart. Laughter is thought to decrease stress and lover blood flow. In my opinion, it may even increase blood flow (which makes sense, right?) and act as a natural pain killer.

Even though this medical stuff is relatively new, King Solomon wrote about it thousands of years ago in Proverbs. "A merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones."

The Bible says a lot about joy and laughter. As I have been reading over the past few days and weeks, there has been a strong theme in what God has been telling me over and over again... The source of my joy is not to be found in what I own, how much money I have or even how healthy I feel. I could be walking through hell on earth, and according to scripture, I should still be able to lift my hands, sing and rejoice!

The source of my joy is God. He is Good. He is full of grace and love. I find that when I put my trust in Him, even when things don't make sense, I still have peace, I view life from a different perspective, I see things how He sees them and I am able to laugh.

The apostle Paul knew this better than anyone, in my opinion. He was whipped, beaten, tortured, shipwrecked, imprisoned, falsely accused and suffered illness, yet through it all he was able to rejoice. Amazingly, he even wrote the above verse while in imprisoned in a dark, damp and cold jail cell.

The trick of the enemy is to keep focused on the things around us, because he knows that when we do, we take our eyes off God and off the source of our joy. Eventually our strength will fail and we will fall.

Thankfully, my God is the God of second-chances, and He is always there for me, so even when I do fall, I am able to get my head back up, lift my hands and voice, and laugh out loud.

On a side note, there will be a Thanksgiving post tomorrow at 1 PM prompt!

I will be out cheering my father on as he runs in the marathon, so be thinking

of me as I'm out FREEZING my butt off. :] Stay tuned for more epicness...

a furious Love...

Usually, I think of 'fury' as an angry word. I associate it with rage, or extreme anger. But, like many words in the English Language, I believe 'fury' or 'furious' can mean something more than just extreme anger. The Compact Oxford Dictionary describes fury as "with great energy or effort" and furious as "full of energy or intensity". In Tremendous Trifles, GK Chesterton wrote of "the furious love of God", and I'm pretty sure he meant "intense energy" rather than rage.

I have experienced God's furious Love. For me, it's the baffling, unexplainable, unexplainable, unfathomable feeling I get at unexpected, yet purposeful times. And, sometimes, I show a furious love for God, especially when the Love that I know and have experienced is questioned. What makes me even more furious (in either sense of the word...?) is when I hear someone teach a skewed view of His Love. This happened at my school recently, where a teacher of a friend suggested a judgemental and manipulative image of the God I love. Perhaps I'll share THAT story another time. Anyway, judgemental or manipulative are not words I'd use to describe Him...

Jesus said "Live in me. Make your home in me as I do in you" (John 15:4, MSG)

Home is usually a word associated with an environment of welcoming love and acceptance, accompanied by signs of affection. His invitation to love is startling, and extremely different to the idea God's Love that I often see taught, and often hear from my non-Christian friends. So frequently I hear people speak of God's love in terms of rules, and their interpretation of Christianity as a formula. So often I have even tried to categorize His Love, make it as tangible as possible, but in the way I have attempted to do that, it limits His compassion, limits who He is to me...

The awesome Love of God has become tangible. It has even become audible. His Love for us is Jesus, who is filled with enduring Love. In Ephesians 3:17-19, Paul prays...

that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

It took me a few reads, but suddenly, I realized what Paul was saying. The Love of Christ is beyond knowledge. God's Love cannot be understood. I have to let go of all my ideas of God, and be open to the real God. I think THAT is when we will be filled up with the fullness of God.

So many of my previous ideas of God I now realize were so wrong. The wrathful god of alternating moods, the irritated god disgusted with believers, the prejudiced god partial to my church, the warrior god of a 'just' war, the inconsistent god of questionable morality... There are so many ideas of 'god' that I've had over the years, I could go on for ages.

But, for now, I think I've changed my outlook. For today, Von Balthasar's credo rings true to me:
"Love alone is credible"

For today, I believe that the best definition of God is Love. Which leads me to the next questions... What is Love?

Simply put, Love is God, and vice versa. You just can't separate the two.

God is love. 1 John 4:10

A Prayer

Through the intimacy of our relationship, you are being transformed from the inside out. As you keep your focus on Me, I form you into the one I desire you to be. Your part is to yield to my creative work in you, neither resisting it or trying to speed it up... Hold my hand in childlike trust, and the way before you will open up step by step.

-Sarah Young (emphasis added by me)

I love you Lord. I want to please you. Form me into the one You desire me to be so I can please you. I'm back to where I was when I first gave my life to you, when I had no idea how I was going to do that or what it would look like. So I prayed over and over, "Make me what You want me to be so that I can obey You."

Now again I find myself in way over my head, so once more I find myself praying "Make me what You want me to be so I can please You." I want to please You. I want to submit. I give up! I am Yours to do as You please, with my time, my thoughts, my writing, and my relationships. Help me submit.

I can trust You. This is nothing I cannot bear with your strength within me. You are good and You have good plans for me. You are ever so gentle with me, and I can wholly and completely trust You. Your will is perfect. You know just the perfect, most loving thing for me. So I submit to You. God, I am yours. Help me.

* * *

Years ago, when I was much younger, I gave my life to God. But I have been feeling frustrated lately. Everything seems to be going wrong, just one thing after another. I have been discouraged that my commitment to Him does not seem to be enough to enable me to face these challenges with the confidence and acceptance of God's will.

I'm fighting Him and struggling to make things work the way I think they should, and making myself miserable! But I realized that I really do want to please Him. I want to be at peace with His will, but I just can't get myself to do it! How do I accept God's will when I have a strong will of my own?

And then the answer hit me like a ton of brinks. All I have to do is ask!How simple! And yet so hard to remember sometimes. When I first asked God into my life, asking for help was always the first thing I would do. As I've grown older, though, it has fallen lower and lower on my list of "things to do".

I used to pray "Make Your will my heart's desire". I wanted not only to do His will, but to actually desire it for myself, as if it were my own will, and I wanted to even find joy and pleasure in doing His will. And He answered my prayers. Doing His will became easy, and pleasing! But I have stopped praying these prayers. And now, I realize I need to start again.

Lord, I want Your will to be my very heart's desire. Make me want what You want. Let Your will be my joy and delight.

My Heart, My Mouth

14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19


Two important thoughts in this verse. The Bible teaches us that our mouth and our thoughts are connected. What's on the inside is going to come out. The heart overflows out of the mouth. My mouth is like a waterfall of what is going on inside of me.


Our words are to be pleasing to God. Think about that. This thought is hard for my brain to wrap around because my mouth runs all day long and as a result there are many words flowing out of me. Are my words pleasing to God?


Think of all the words that come out of your mouth everyday. Are those words pleasing to God? Lots of the things I say aren't even pleasing to me, so I can't imagine how God feels about them... I think, if we truly considered this verse, much of our vocabulary would change.

...the meditation of my heart
What consumes my thoughts throughout the day? Do those thoughts please God? What do I think about others, those I hang out with with, live next door to, in my own home? Meditation is more than just a passing thought. Meditation is dwelling on a thought. Someone hurts my feelings or offends me and then that is all I think about. Then soon I have bitterness as a result of the meditation of my heart. That bitterness will eventually flow out of my mouth.


Why not think about those things that please God? Why not meditate on a scripture verse or on a Biblical principle that God is teaching me? What am I meditating on right now, today?


What a finish to a chapter, "my Rock and my Redeemer". Why not meditate on this verse a while? Is God my Rock? Is Christ my Redeemer?

"But"

Psalm 13

For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts 

and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.

 Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

 and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.



Ever have those times when everything is going wrong, when it seems like you are stuck in the middle of a storm and can’t see the end?
Do you have those days when it seems everyone is against you? Does God every feel like he’s a million miles away?

I can’t stand those times. And I'm often in them. I get a frustrated, stressed, self-centered when those times comes.. But what I must remember is that’s life! Life is not lived on the mountaintops; life is lived in the valley. Who knows this better than King David? David lived life in the valley. Most of his life was a struggle. Kid stuck with watching the sheep while his brothers went on an adventure. Stood alone before a giant because no one else had the guts or the faith. Spears chucked at him by the king while playing his harp for the king. Was pursued by a jealous king who wanted to snuff David’s life out. Struggled with sin, adultery, murder, and the pain of life that all of that mess with Bathsheba resulted in. David knew what it meant to live life in the valley.

So when the tough storms of life come, when the world feels like it is squeezing in around me, I must (and usually don't) remember the big “But”. Did you see it?

Verse 5 and 6:“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.”

Know your position – God loves you.
Check your attitude – Rejoice in salvation and sing to the Lord.

Photography

Focus can drastically change a picture.

The power a photographer has to place one part of a photograph in focus and leave another part dramatically blurred is impressive. The entire look of an image, and the accompanying emotion that is therefore aroused, can shift simply based on what the photographer chooses to focus on when looking through the viewfinder of the camera.

There are almost endless ways a photographer could choose to capture a scene, with the one main limitation being that the real-life scene does not change. Having a background (or foreground) fade into a blur is a deliberate choice by the photographer, depending on the look they are going for.

You may have guessed by now that this post is not actually about photography. I don’t pretend to be an expert on photography, although I do know some basics, such as the ‘rule of thirds’, setting your aperture and utilizing natural lighting. But, that’s aside the point. One thing I do have a fair amount of experience in is Life, and Life as a walk of faith.

Just like how choosing the focus point for a picture sets the mood for a photograph, what and who I choose to focus on in my life will always affect the mood for my emotional well being.

Imagine that. The Word of God seems to be true once again. "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." Proverbs 29:25

As an example, the past year has been a time of great struggle as well as vast amounts of healing. However, in the few months or so, things seemed to go downhill for me, and I found myself at the bottom of a dark pit...

My focus was off.

It started with a simple mistake that all of us make now and then. I, unfortunately, tend to do it a lot, but thankfully, God has placed people in my life to hold me accountable... Instead of focusing on what was going well, and how blessed my life is, I did the opposite. I started to really highlight all the bad in my life, and those bad sports became the focus of my attention. Sadly, by choosing to see in crystal clear the things that got me down, I only made matters worse.

In essence, it was a real life example the Pygmalion effect (which I learned about when reading a book a few years back). A self-fulfilling prophesy, in other words. The more I chose to focus on my life struggles, the more struggles were all I could see. The fact that I was obsessing about these struggles made me feel like I was in a hopeless situation, where bad would just follow bad. The thoughts tainted my mind, and it started to change the way I thought about myself.

What a sad, miserable way to life.

And, while I have by no means arrived, my growth curve during the few weeks has been steep. I can look back with a tiny bit of hindsight and see that choosing to focus on only what was going badly in my life actually made the experience drastically less happy, and a lot harder.

How ironic. How misguided. How backwards.

A ginormous lesson that God has been trying to teach me over the course of the past year (and past week) relates to my focus. What an amazing difference it has made already in my life to choose to set my sights only on what is going to uplift me as I navigate through life.

Indeed, it "is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." Psalm 118:8
How much more amazing in my life, simply when I choose to see those amazing things clearly, not allowing them to be muddled by me focusing on what areas of that are still a bit off. I think of my loved ones, and generally try to think of the for their best intentions and not remembered for their worst moments. Why wouldn't I do the same for my life?

But don't take my word for it. In the Bible, Paul exhorts the believers in Philippi by saying, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." Philippians 4:8

What a wonderful mantra I would do well to continue to remember. Taking the high road will not always be easy for me. I fail to keep my focus where it should be more times than I'd like to recount here.

But, even in just a few days of really trying to stay positive, between what I have experienced and what others have told me, I can attest to the fact that striving to have our focus in the right place is most certainly worth it.

Actively Pursuing Hope...

I can't say how organized/unorganized this blog post is going to be. I am gathering my thoughts and stumbling through some new feelings I have.

I've always had a strong sense of faith. I've never really wondered about whether or not God exists, but I have had an increasing and alarming rise in hopelessness in my life over the past few months. I could sit and blame it on the timeline of things I was experiencing, I could blame it on my complete lack of quiet time with God, I could blame it on anything and everything.

But I'm choosing not to blame it on anything, I'm going to stand up and take full blame for this one. In my head I had let a rush of fears come in, clouding my vision of the future, and leading me to a lane of (almost) pure hopelessness. I have walked with an intense fear that I will never be the same, never feel 'normal' and never feel loved. I let this fear fill me more and more until I reached a crossroads. A crossroads where I could choose to continue in my destructive thought patterns or I could make the decision to Actively Pursue Hope (yay for conscious choice!)

So I'm trying. When my fears start to rise or the loneliness overwhelms to the point I feel as if I cannot breath, I push those thoughts out of my head. I am Choosing to pursue hope, to run after it full speed with my arms stretched open, reaching to grasp this beautiful unknown gift I have yet to fully understand, and the more I run after it the bigger it gets in my life. And until the next chapter of my life begins and my hope becomes reality, I am choosing to continue running after it without thought to the unknown I face.

"there is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off"
-Proverbs 23:18
"Once you choose hope, anything's possible"
-Christopher Reeve
"Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all,
is to see life as it is, and not as it should be"
-Don Quixote
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"
-Albert Einstein
"Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality,
If you can dream it, you can make it so"
-Belva Davis
"May the love hidden deep inside your heart
find the love waiting in your dreams.
May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow
Wipe away the pain in your yesterday"
-Unknown

For me, having hope for my future is definitely new territory for me. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment where I reached my crossroads. Maybe it was watching the movie "Yes Man", where the main character who was lonely and living a pathetic life was radically changed when he began to actually try things he never had before. Maybe it was reading other peoples stories of healing. Maybe it was sitting down with some people I love and really realizing things need to change. I'm not sure if it was one thing in particular, but through the progression of things in my life lately, I can see a clear, and wonderful future for myself. A future full of love, restoration and Hope!


I'll try to keep you updated... :]

3-in-1

I've been making an efort to read my bible/pray/take some quite time every morning... In my quiet time this morning I read John 7. This chapter begins with Jesus' brother's telling Him that He should go to Judea so that His disciples could see the miracles that He was doing because "no one who wants to become a public figure acts in secret" (vs. 4). Verse 5 tells us that at this time Jesus' brother's didn't believe in Him.

I can sense a bit of sarcasm in Jesus' brothers voice as they spoke to Him: "Come on Jesus, you want to be popular, right? You want everyone to follow you, right? You should go to the biggest event in town and show your stuff off. This is your opportunity Jesus. Show the crowds what you got!" They figured this was the best time for Jesus to show Himself off. Of course, Jesus knows their hearts and tells them it was not the right time.

I love Jesus' response in verse 6. Jesus says: "The right time for me has not yet come; for you any time is right. " (emphasis added by me) Ouch! Jesus' brothers didn't get it (or more specifically, they didn't get Jesus). As I was reflecting on this, it made me think: How often am I like Jesus' brothers? How often do I think I know what God's timing is? How often do I rush into things because the time seems right? How often does Jesus need to rebuke me and say: "The right time has not yet come"? How often do I get mad at God for not acting at the right time?

I want to be sensitive to God's leading and I want to follow His timing. I am learning that in order to do this I need to be in constant communion with God, I need to be aware of His constant presence with me and I need to be listening for His still small voice. How do you stay sensitive to God's leading so that you can follow His timing?

* * *

Over the last year I have learned a LOT about changes that I have needed to make in my life. I have learned about how to be a better communicator, how to be a better listener, how to handle conflict in healthier ways, how to differentiate myself and a whole host of other good things. Lots of these things are a constant learning process, which can always be improved upon...

Learning about these things has been good BUT real change isn't going to happen unless I actually put these things into practice, right? A big part of putting these things into practice is first dealing with my thought life (specifically faulty thoughts and beliefs). Jud Wilhite in his book "Eyes Wide Open" says: "Change won't last until we take control of our thought life and replace destructive thoughts with biblical ones" (pg. 125). I have found this to be absolutely true in my life, in many shapes and forms.

Before I can I truly bring about real change in my life I have to first deal with the faulty beliefs/thoughts that have led to my unhealthy patterns/ways of doing things. The Bible has a lot to say about this. Romans 12:2 says: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Transformation starts in the mind, with a different way of thinking. To bring about this transformation of the mind we must actively take control of our thoughts today. We can't be passive or lazy about them. This involves hard work, a conscious effort to change how we think (I like doing things consciously, making decesions and thinking about what we are doing.)

A big part in overcoming faulty and destructive thoughts is being able to recognize them. The way we do this is by taking our thoughts and comparing them to the truth (God's word). Jesus told us that the truth will set us free... We have to remember what God says about us. When I hear a voice in my head saying that I am not worthy and God doesn't care about me, I counter that by speaking God's Word to myself. I have to remind myself of passages that override the faulty thoughts that play in my mind. Passages like Romans 8:1-2 which says "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." and Romans 8:38-39 which says: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." In doing this I let God’s word establish what is true and what is not true for me.

* * *

Speaking of truth...

I just finished reading Angry Conversations with God, a book I would highly recommend to anyone... This book has got me thinking. How do I think of God? What are my misconceptions about the 'person' God is?

I think my 'god' is a cliche speaking, patting on the head, "you're so pitiful I'll pretend to love you so that the world seems better" kind of god. Which is not true at all, but the unfortunate reality of how my mind imagines God to be...

The first step in changing that idea, though, is realizing that it's just that. An idea. Not reality.
What's your god like?

Fire-side Conversation...

I went camping with a group of friends this weekend, and we had some great conversations... A continual theme kept cropping up though, and it made me start to think. Or, I should say, it stirred old thoughts...

There is an old song that goes, “They will know we are Christians by our love”. Sadly, I'm not sure how true this is... According to research (and fire-side conversation), Christians are not being known for love, either of each other, or of those outside of the faith.

The entire New Testament is based on two principles: Truth soaked in Love. Everything that Jesus did was motivated by these principles and in everything the early Church did, they strived to likewise live these out. Somewhere in recent Church history, we lost the element of Love and began focusing primarily, almost solely, on Truth. And now today, there is a movement of Christianity that, in an attempt to rectify past wrongs, focuses primarily on Love, fearing to bring Truth to light.

Can't we just find a happy medium?!

I have long known that we (Christians) are not viewed always viewed as people who do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly and are commonly viewed as having a ad impact on society, but its still hard to hear people say it. It isn’t even the negative perception I struggle with. There will always be people who disagree with what I believe. What bothers me is why we are perceived negatively. It seems to be often because of hurt.

Christians aren’t perfect. We make mistakes. But we also struggle to admit when we are wrong. We struggle to accept people as they are. I don’t think it’s just a Christian thing. It’s a people thing. But a Christian is a Christ-follower, and based on that title, our model of how to live is Jesus Christ. He accepted people exactly as they were. He called a tax collector (considered the bad guys of society) to be in his closest circle of followers. He accepted the sacrifice of a “woman who had lived a sinful life”. He was present when a woman caught in the act of adultery was dragged into the street to be stoned and he released her. He convicted those wishing to stone her such that they all finally walked away without a single stone being thrown. And then, as if he didn’t know exactly what had happened, he turned to the woman and asked, “Where are they? Has no one condemned you?”“No one, sir,” she responded.“Then neither do I condemn you,” he said. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

What a man! What a God!

I don't know how to find that happy medium, but something tells me I won't be able to do it on my own.

Rejoice

Philippians 4:4-7 (ESV) says

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness
be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but
in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be
made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will
guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I've heard the "Rejoice in the Lord always" part time and time again. Not being the sort of person who finds it easy to rejoice part-time, let alone always, it kinda baffles me. Okay, baffled isn't quite the right word there, it pretty much goes in one ear, out the other. “You don’t know what I’ve been through” is one of the first things that comes to mind.

In writing, context is everything, and it makes a world of difference here. The next few verses make the ‘rejoice’ part real. The Lord is here. God is with us, everywhere, from school to our dark bedrooms at night. In sickness and health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer (I was just at a wedding, pops into mind)…. We shouldn’t be anxious (for God is right here), but in everything pray, and ask God with humbleness whatever it is we need to ask.
But in everything, pray. Sounds so easy, but for many, it’s a pretty hard thing. Believe me, I know that praying can be really difficult. Most of the time I have no idea what to pray about or, more often, how to pray. A number of years ago, I read this bit from Romans.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we
ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that
words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the
Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's
will.

In my weakness, which is really the level I operate on regularly, I know I don't pray what I should, and I know I pray things sarcastically and full of "but" statements. Or I just don’t pray at all. What an amazing, comforting thing to know the Holy Spirit takes the groanings of our deepest selves to God. And the Spirit does it in a way that lines up with what God would have for us.
It’s in my weakness that I do not know what to pray. It's in my weakness that I get hung up on not knowing. But it is in my weakness that the cries of my soul are taken to God. It is in the times when we groan at the very thought of rejoicing that our groans are carried to the ears of Christ. And it is in that time of vulnerability that the will of God is carried out in our lives, whether we know it or not. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. The Spirit takes the cries of our broken spirits to the Father, and leaves instead the peace of God in its place. That alone is reason to rejoice.

Prayer Request

I know many of you don't check this blog regularly, but, if by chance you read this post over the next few days, please say a few words of prayer for me. Got some tough news this evening and it's taking a toll.

I thank God for each one of you in my life.

Results 1 - 10 of about 130,000,000 for efficiency. (0.10 seconds)

I was sitting the other day, enjoying the sunshine and thinking, with questions popping into my head. Questions like 'Why can't God heal people faster?' or 'Why can't He make things "better" or at least "easier"?'. I sat and contemplated why, and suddenly I realized...

God isn't exactly about efficiency. It doesn't really seem like He has much of a deadline.

I was looking through my bible for some idea's on efficiency, and what Scripture has to say about it, when I came across something I have read many times, but thought of in a new way... Let me tell you a story. A long time ago (in a galaxy far far away)...

God had a chat with Abraham, and he said (roughly) "Let's get this small group of people to live a life of joy and justice, and then others, fascinated by their love for each other, will join them. And eventually, over time, the whole world will return to loving me"

That little chat happened a very long time ago, and in my opinion, not much has changed since.
God, being God, could've easily just have said in a big booming voice, 'Everybody love me' just as easily as He said 'Let there be light'. So, why didn't he? Seems like that would be so much easier, just to quickly have things the way He wants them to be.

God isn't like that, not at all.

The most efficient example I can think of from God's works would be The Flood, aka Noah's Ark. The world was a bad place, and He kinda wanted to change that. I like to think of it as a do-over. Nice and efficient, wipe out people, start from square 1.

Most of us know the outcome of that story. He vowed NEVER to do it again.

* * *

The world today is so good at being efficient. I can get the definition of "efficient" on Google in 0.17 seconds. I can go to my TV and replay they 30 seconds of the show I missed because I was texting my friends about studying together online in an hour. It seems to work so well, but...

When efficiency is the top priority when dealing with conflict and justice, violence is almost always the outcome.
Not good.
Not God.

When unlimited wealth or personal gain is the goal (which seems to be a big theme in the world today), efficiency becomes the method. When efficiency is the method, exploitation is often a result.

Exploitation is NOT love. And God is not about exploitation at all.

So, if God isn't going to use the most efficient way to get people to love Him, how does He do it?
The answer: Relationships.

He asks us to have a relationship with Him, and asks us to have loving relationships with others.

Face-to-face, real life relationships are more loving than a big booming voice. It's more personal and intimate than forced adoration. By dealing with other people, you experience life and struggles, and your focus is on the person you are talking with, instead of having 6 MSN chats with people from all around the world, while watching your favourite TV show, playing solitaire and filing your taxes.

I think it says something that we value efficiency so much, but it doesn't seem to be high on God's agenda… We always want the newest iPod, that holds so much more music so we have more choice, and have a longer battery life; or we choose to go on the computer to chat with friends while doing work instead of spending time in Creation.

There’s definitely a reason why God didn’t just do it the easy, efficient way. Maybe we should pay more attention.