An Update

Okay, well.

Good evening.

I intended my last blog post to be an update on life n' things. It wasn't, really.

So hopefully this one will be!

Things that are going on in...


School

Grad. Lots of talk about it, assemblies, money being spent.
Applying for university. Straight up scary.
Report card. End of term rush to bump up the grades.
Musical. My school is doing 'Fame' this year. I'm not involved, but my friends are.
Booster Juice. Now being served on Thursdays. So awesome.

Home

Messy room. This seems to be a reoccurring theme for Tori and I. What a shame.
Excess of books. Why do we have so many 'Nancy Drew' and 'Hardy Boys'? Can we get rid of them yet?
Strange mix of good and bad food. Some days the fridge rocks, other days, not so much.
TV. Olympics is the thing right now. My sister has the hots for The Flying Tomato.
Chores. I owe my parents money.


Employment

*crickets chirping*
sigh.


Personal

Bought a grad dress today. Next is getting my date a suit. Awesome.
Babysitting a lot. Love hangin' with the kids.
Helping out around church. Particularly with the Middle School Kids. So amazing.
Sleeping is hit and miss lately. Some nights its good. Others its bad. Haven't figured out a pattern yet.

And that is what is goin' on with me, peeps.

What's new with you?

To Break the Silence

So funny story. When I started writing this morning, it was just going to be an intro into a different post. But it kinda flowed. Maybe it's because I'm half asleep and so writing 'poetry' is easier than full/complete sentences. But... It's honest and straight from the heart. 2 minutes of typing as I shivered from the cold breeze coming through the window. Hope it's worth something to you.

I haven't posted in awhile.

I haven't written in a longer time.

I don't know why.
No words are with me in this moment.
No thoughts are exactly strong enough to break through the wall.
What fed me in the past? The need to understand.
The yearning to know, to feel, to be.
I wrote about hope when I lost mine.
I wrote about strength and love when I needed some.

Things are different now.

This is not to say that I don't struggle; I do.
This is not to say that I know it all; I don't.
This is to say I've lost the constant craving for something to help me.

In the past, I felt I had no where to turn in my desperation.
Sleepless nights left me hungry,
daily struggles left me empty.
I needed something to fill the void.

But now...

I am satisfied.
Not with the good stuff, but with the mediocre.
Not full to the top, just enough to keep me going.
I'm not desperate, so I'm not searching.

I don't question because I'm scared of losing.
I don't wonder cause I want at least this.
And maybe if I tried to continue untangling the mess that is life...
Maybe I'd just get wrapped in it again.

Content with what I've got.

Now I don't mean that I don't see the chaos.
I don't mean that I don't see there can be better.
I just mean that, through the years, I've tried and tried to get this far,
To unravel knots and weave a little security together out of what I've learned.

And finally, I've got some.
Finally, I have some stable footing, with a net to catch me.

But do I trust it?
If I keep climbing up this mountain, who's to say I won't fall?
To trust this net I've woven is like...
Well, I don't know, but I know that I don't like it.

So, why trust it?

Why don't I just stop, enjoy the view.
I've come this far, and that's fine with me.
Sure, I could go farther, but it's comfy here.
Kinda cozy actually.

And sure, maybe there's a reason I should keep pushing.
Maybe there's something special wrapped up in this tangle of life.
But for now, I'm happy with this ball of knots I'm holding.
It's special to me, almost 'cool' in the coolest sense of the word.

So why push?

I've written so many times not to stay content, to live with purpose,
But have I ever been content?
Maybe, as I unwrap this intricate weave of gnarled string,
It's wrapping itself around me.

It's nice here.

I'm content.

Why strive for more?