Dark Garden

I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts but they need constant attention & one day I decided I had better things to do. - Brian Andreas

Then one day when I was in the garden I started thinking back on a summer day, which had been one of those perfect days ... with everything glowing as if lit from within. I had felt like I was floating, beautiful, loved by all and I loved everyone, but when I stopped remembering and looked around my garden... everything had died. What a sad garden it must have been. - Sarah Pee

For the past few days I have been spending a lot of time over at StoryPeople, reading 'stories' and admiring art.

You should really check it out.

hehe...

So, there's been some more changes... Yea, I've changed the layout, AGAIN. This one's prettier, and easier than the last. Much easier. The other one gave me a brain aneurysm, and that's really no good for any of us. The one thing you need to remember about this layout is to click the read more button! Or else you'll only get partial posts. D: How terrible. Comment link can be found to the left, under the date, if on the main page. If viewing a post, scroll down.

Second change, I replaced my old boring blogger comment system with a new one. The neat thing about the upgraded comment system is you can now leave a comment using your Facebook or Twitter account! It's so much more inclusive, although it's not like I have a ton of people commenting anyway... *sigh* Maybe one day... Anyway, to leave a comment, simply scroll to the bottom of the page! You'll automatically be directed to the place where you can start typing your comment. You will see three buttons at the top of the comment box: D Profile (which is for Disqus, this comment hoster thingy), Twitter, and Facebook. You don’t have to press any of these buttons if you don’t want to. Anyone can simply comment in the box, then enter their name and email and click 'comment'. No logging in to anything needed, if you don't want. However, to see your pretty face next to your comment and keep from having to type in your name and email, you can also click the Facebook or Twitter button. The first time you click one of these buttons to comment, a window will pop up and ask permission to access your Facebook or Twitter account so that you can be verified under either of those profiles and you are set. You should only have to do this authorization thing the very first time you leave a comment on my blog with Facebook or Twitter (I think. Or if you change computers, you'll get asked again.)

Uhm... I think that's all the changes! Woo! Check back for more soon, cause with my track record, it is very likely there will be one!

It started out as a feeling...

I have been feeling out of sorts lately. I'm not sure why.
I've been feeling really god for the past few weeks -- Positive, realistic, energized...
But, in the midst of this, there has been a little feeling inside of me...

A few weeks ago, it was just a small feeling, a little seed in my stomach. As school came to an end, I began feeling used to the 'content' mood, and my boredom with having 1 arm grew, so did this seed. For the past few days, it has actually felt very heavy inside me, a feeling that I can't get rid of.

It's uncomfortable, and I don't feel 'right' in my skin. I feel like I want to move, run around, but my body won't support me. Like I want to create something, but have no materials, or inspiration.

It feels like there's something trying to get my attention, and I just don't know how to acknowledge it. Or maybe I should say, I just don't know how to acknowledge Him.

I've been praying, journaling, reading my bible, discusing God-ish things, paying attention in church, participating in community, but nothing in my usual 'routine' seems to satisfy this feeling. Maybe that's the problem, seeing it as a routine... You know, like when you wake up in the morning and get in the shower, get out, brush you hair then your teeth, all while you're half-asleep? Maybe I need to wake up from my half-asleepness...

But what do I know? I'm just thinking as I type, not really sure of where I'm going with any of this... I'm just a 17 year old, going through regular 17 year old stuff. Know what's frustrating? When you KNOW that some of the emotions you're feeling are just because your hormones are raging and you're just overreacting -- That its not the end of the world, you don't have to be right, and you don't always need someone to hold your hand. It's difficult being an aware 17 year old, knowing that those feelings aren't necessary and knowing the right thing to do, but also being a teenager and wanting to feel however I want to feel, and do what I want to do. Not that my body always lets me do what I want to do. -sigh- Growing up is hard.

I'mmmmm baaaaaack!

I'm back!

Hi!

Sorry for the sudden disappearence, but, I was a tad stressed and also, I was looking for an escape, and my blog came in very handy for that.

See, it was exam time, and I should have been studying but instead, I was looking for distractions. And writing a blog post is definitely a good distraction. So, I had to shut 'er down so that I would be able to focus. I sure am responsible. :]

Also, I was having some major issues with the layout (which I'm still ironing out) but, it was really getting to me. So I decided to just let it go. I'm thinking I might change layouts (I know, I know, I JUST changed) but, I'm thinking I might like something a bit simpler, that I don't feel like I always have to fiddle with. Haven't decided anything for sure yet, but, we'll see.

Oh oh oh, and, I've updated my art blog a few times so, check it out!

Alright, that's all for now! Definitely be looking for more posts soon!

Not Me! Monday

This is something that MckMama has created, a way to be honest, but not TOO honest. Every week when I read it, I feel a bit more human. After reading what I didn't do, head over to MckMama's blog for more {Not Me!} fun!



I did not have 2 McFlurries, 1 large fries, 1 large Slurpee and 2 ice cream cones in one afternoon and then tell my mom I couldn't eat dinner cause I had too many carrots at lunch. Definitely wouldn't do that.

There's no way I would spend 5 minutes trying to find someone to pick up a caterpillar so I wouldn't kill it with the lawn mower, instead of just moving it myself. Nope.

Last night, I certaintly did not laugh out loud in a church service about a cute baby, just while the speaker was talking about prostitution, Freeset and the women involved.

There is no way my sister and I were reading FMyLife and find one post hilarious, only to realize that it was my own FML from a week before.

I would never ride a bike while wearing roller blades and my friends were doubling on an elecrtic scooter. We did not ride through the streets like fools and disturb the neighbourhood with our tomfoolery.

I would never let my sister sleep in my bed with me for a night instead of killing the daddy long-legs that was in her room. Never.

Not Me!