I have been feeling out of sorts lately. I'm not sure why.
I've been feeling really god for the past few weeks -- Positive, realistic, energized...
But, in the midst of this, there has been a little feeling inside of me...
A few weeks ago, it was just a small feeling, a little seed in my stomach. As school came to an end, I began feeling used to the 'content' mood, and my boredom with having 1 arm grew, so did this seed. For the past few days, it has actually felt very heavy inside me, a feeling that I can't get rid of.
It's uncomfortable, and I don't feel 'right' in my skin. I feel like I want to move, run around, but my body won't support me. Like I want to create something, but have no materials, or inspiration.
It feels like there's something trying to get my attention, and I just don't know how to acknowledge it. Or maybe I should say, I just don't know how to acknowledge Him.
I've been praying, journaling, reading my bible, discusing God-ish things, paying attention in church, participating in community, but nothing in my usual 'routine' seems to satisfy this feeling. Maybe that's the problem, seeing it as a routine... You know, like when you wake up in the morning and get in the shower, get out, brush you hair then your teeth, all while you're half-asleep? Maybe I need to wake up from my half-asleepness...
But what do I know? I'm just thinking as I type, not really sure of where I'm going with any of this... I'm just a 17 year old, going through regular 17 year old stuff. Know what's frustrating? When you KNOW that some of the emotions you're feeling are just because your hormones are raging and you're just overreacting -- That its not the end of the world, you don't have to be right, and you don't always need someone to hold your hand. It's difficult being an aware 17 year old, knowing that those feelings aren't necessary and knowing the right thing to do, but also being a teenager and wanting to feel however I want to feel, and do what I want to do. Not that my body always lets me do what I want to do. -sigh- Growing up is hard.
3 comments:
Growing up is not easy Pee. You just need to find a way to filter out all the crap and hang onto the import stuff.
I wish I had a solution for you.
The only thing I know is that time helps. It does get better beyond here.
Just hang in there!!!
DP
I agree with DP. I think the vast majority of us were confused, frustrated, felt misunderstood and all that good stuff during our teen years. However, hang on to God and your relationships because they are what end up pulling you through!
Thanks guys.
I'll keep on keepin' on.
:]
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