I'm usually okay with the cliche, overused phrases that everyone says to each other. These things come up in many situations, but I most commonly hear them when someone is trying to comfort another. I know that it is hard to express what we are feeling, and so sometimes, it is just easier to say something cliche. It's the thought or meaning that counts, right?
But there has been one phrase lately that has really troubled me, and I'm to a point now where I think I just may correct anyone I hear say it.
I have frequently heard the words, "God won't give you more than you can handle." Though it is nice to think that way, I don't believe that the Bible says that. And I know from my experience, though the phrase sounds comforting at first, it can lead to many negative thoughts.
The quote is a poor paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which is more accurately paraphrased as, "God will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability to escape." (Which, unless I'm mistaken, I think is exactly what the verse says.. Too bad we like to but things into our own words.)
The cliche version of the verse changes the meaning of 'temptation' to burden, and, for me at least, that has both positive and negative sides to it... On the positive side, which we generally see in the short term, it means that we can get through anything, because God is with us. On the negative side, which I generally start to see once things start to get harder, and the 'poop' hits the fan... It sounds like God gives us our struggles, kinda hands them to us in rations. 'Here you go, you can handle this, and you can handle this...'
I guess I had heard that misquote one too many times when I was talking young boy who had just lost his older sister. Through the tears, the young boy was talking about what he was struggling with, sounding much more mature than any 12 year old should--"People tell me that God won't give me more than I can handle, but I don't know…" his voice trailing, "having my dad in jail, [my step-dad] die 3 years ago, and now Liz gone... It feels like more than I can bear on my own."
That squeezed my heart. The one little phrase 'God will not give you more than you can handle' can really do I number on people. I know it has for me, and now I see this young boy struggling with the same thing I did. I always would think, 'Why is God even giving me struggles in the first place? If He's all-powerful and all-knowing, can't he find another way to teach me to be strong? Why'd He have to choose this way?!
Jesus jumped all over the preachers of his day for burdening people with loads they could not carry themselves. I find this to be one of the worst misquotes/misinterpretations of Scripture because God doesn't give us our "share of calamities." He doesn't say, 'Okay, you need to learn how to be stronger, so I'm going to take away your big sister.' Much of what we are "given" is either put upon us by others or self-acquired. As I've said before, this is a broken world. This is not what God wanted for us. God doesn't give us struggles, He feels the pain along with us.
There was no way to make this boys situation better. There was no way for me to come up with a happy ending for this post, saying "Instead of saying 'this', say 'THIS'." Sometimes there are no words to share with someone to make them feel better. Sometimes you have to resort to those catch-phrased, overused words. But, what you are saying has meaning behind it, and that's what matters. If you're sorry for someones pain, say it. Or if you believe they'll make it through a tough time, than you can say that too. And, in my opinion, if there are no words, a hug is a great way of letting someone know you're there.
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