The Hurts of My Past

Galatians 5:1
     It was for freedom that Christ set us free

    Unlike day-to-day emotions that come from day-to-day life, emotional baggage from the past is always there. Years of exposure and experiences in life has etched grooves into our memory banks, which cause us to focus, or ignore, certain thoughts, memories and emotions.

    I don't believe God wants me to completely forget my past. But, He also doesn't want me to dwell in it, which I have a tendency to do. Actually, I have a tendency to dwell on many things, especially negative events. When sometimes has been hurtful, how am I supposed to resolve my feelings, without brushing the events aside or minimizing them? How am I supposed to go on living the life God intends me to, while still remembering where I have come from.

    Moving on is inexplicably hard. And as much as it is necessary, I try to avoid it, and I don't think I'm alone. It's not easy, nor fun, but it is worth it.

    As I've grown, I've realized a few things about dealing negative events of the past...

    That I am a Christian is a good thing for me to remember. It allows me to evaluate my past experiences in light of who I am now, opposed to who I was then, or who I thought I was. Actually, not only has my faith changed, almost all aspects of "me" has changed. I have developed physically, mentally and emotionally. And emotional development is a big key to resolving lasting hurts.

    The intensity of a primary emotion is established by how I perceive events at the time they happen. My emotions are a product of how I perceive the events, not a product of the event itself. That is why people can react differently to the same situation. As a Christian, I am not the primary product of my past; I am the primary product of Christ's work on the cross. The flesh, or how I perceived events, still remains, but I have be born again and I am able to live past that.

    When a present event activates a primary emotion of the past, many people (including me) tend to believe what the feel instead of what is real, or what is true. For example, people who have been verbally abused by their parents may have a hard time believing they are unconditionally love by their Father God. Their instinctive (or primary) emotion argues that they are unlovable to a parent figure. They then, sometimes, believe that feeling, and then their walk is off course. By believing the truth and walking by faith, we are set free: free of the results of our perspectives, free of the grips of our sorrow, free of the consequences for out sins.

    Because I am a Christian, I can look at the past events from the perspective of who I am today. Christ is in my life, desiring to set me free from my past.

    "Therefore if an man is in Christ, He is a new creature; the old thing has passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17) That is what I must believe in order to be set free.

    Sometimes, there are events that are so painful that I, and other, try to forget, push away, and avoid. Usually, if I'm not dwelling on events (as discussed above), I'm avoiding them. Avoiding memories or triggers that stimulate memories. And I know that I am not the only person who does this, not be a long-shot. Many emotionally traumatized people who have not been able to process past events seek to survive and cope through defence mechanisms. Some live in denial, other rationalise or try suppress the pain, sometimes with food, drugs, drinking or sex.

    Pretty obviously, that is not God's way. God does everything in light; He does not suppress or discard. He also loves us, and knows us. I try to use this knowledge to remind myself that I can count on God to bring my past conflicts to light at an appropriate time to be dealt with. God has allowed me to mature to a point where I am able to face the reality of the past. And then, at that time, I try to pray that God would reveal anything in the past that is keeping me in bondage--and God has answered. He is a "Wonderful Counsellor" and definitely knows how and when to get things done.

    Often, I don't even know what things are holding me, either because a memory is suppressed or because I simply cannot know everything. And that's really when our Wonderful counsellor can step in to help us.

    I believe that the first step in God' answer to repressed trauma is found in Psalm 139:23-24. God knows about our hidden hurts with us which we might not be able to see.

  Search me, O God, and know my heart; 

       test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

  See if there is any offensive way in me, 

       and lead me in the way everlasting.